because it's not 1:48 in the morning and i'm exhausted. i've been out here in western MA now for awhile with my mum. she's starting to do better, but today seemed like a real white knuckle day. she went in for a surgery to remove an abscess and blood clot in her leg. her going under anesthesia any time is kind of a big deal, and they usually don't do it. this morning we were informed differently. it was at about 8:45 am this morning that i had to have that talk with her again about exactly what her wishes are should something go wrong. it's a conversation i have to clarify every time with her, and i hate having to think about it. we talked... i understood... they gave her some drugs... she got sleepy and off they took her down the hall. every time i've had to stand there waiting at the doors, watching her round the corner, i freak out a little bit inside... always terrified that it's the last time i'm going to see her. i really hate mornings like this.
after i watched her go... i had to get out of the hospital. far enough away to distract me, but close enough to rush back should something happen. the bookstore at ingleside. i walked around barnes and noble checking my phone every five seconds making sure that i still had service, a full battery, and no missed calls. i was a bit paranoid. i looked and looked for a book that i wanted to read. i had forgotten the books i have on a list of "to read" at home. i wasn't exactly expecting to be visiting a bookstore, and so, i couldn't pick something. i ended up with an old standby... the sketchbook. another moleskin to add to the already ridiculous collection of half full sketchbooks. i also picked up a little package of colored pencils niftily packaged in a CD case. pair those with the micron pens i had stashed in my bag, and you have instant distraction.. for a few hours at least. on my way back to the hospital, i picked up the muffins mom had asked for in an attempt to keep a positive attitude. after that i went back, by then it was 10:30am. i went up to her room and waited.. nothing.. i walked back to the surgical waiting area and waited there too. after a couple of hours, i got a call from the nurses to talk to the surgeon. he must have been one of the nicest surgeons i've ever spoken to. normally they are kind of dry and uninterested in personal details about their patients. not dr. kerner though. he told me how the surgery went (pretty well), how big the abscess/blood clot was (not as big as they thought it was going to be), and how much they had to cut her (not as much as they did last time). we talked about her mobility, and what her goals were, and the meds he wanted to get her on and off of. it was so great to talk to this guy and feel like she has some hope to get some of what she lost back.
by this time, it was about noon. the dr. said she was in recovery and that it shouldn't be more than an hour before she was to be moved back upstairs. so i went back up to her room to wait for her. after about an hour and a half of waiting and drawing, i pulled her table up and put my head down for a nap. fast fwd another hour.... still no mom.. by this time i had just assumed that no call=no problem, and that since it was getting later in the day, audrey would be coming up. being stuck in a hospital room with nobody between us is a terrible idea.. it could have easily turned into a "she's being mean" story to my mom, which would only end up upsetting my mom (she's an EXCELLENT storyteller... bitch).... at that point i figured it was time for a field trip to visit aunt trudy at the elms and relive some memories and have some visits. after about another hour or so, i headed back to the hospital. when i arrived it was perfect timing that mom had arrived back in the room. come to find out, after the surgery where she was so heavily sedated, her breathing started to slow and they had to re-intubate her so she could breathe. again, being sedated this was difficult because she tried to pull the tube out of her throat.. at which point they restrained her. i guess groggy people don't enjoy tubes in their throats. i was a little shaken to hear all this had happened, but relieved it was all over.
i ended up texting audrey, and then she headed down. woo hoo. she tried to pull the whole victim act... knowing mom had just had surgery and was pretty uncomfortable... she has to build up her own ailments to make sure she is just as sick. it's just another reason i fucking despise this woman.
on a side story just to get some frustration out... while my mom was at healthsouth, i sent her a small painting of a paper crane. after doing that project last year, i re-told the story to my mom about how cranes are supposed to inspire good health and luck for the sick via a letter and painting... it meant alot to her. when she was sent back to the hospital, audrey was called to pick up her belongings from the rehab center.. what's the one thing she conveniently forgets? the painting. when my mom called her and asked her to bring it up, she had to tell her she forgot it... my mom, being the smart cookie that she is knew exactly what audrey was up to, got all mad and upset and had to yell at her. what the fuck? isn't she supposed to work at keeping my mom on an even keel and even temper so she doesn't give herself a heart attack? god i hate her sooooooooo much. i wanted to fucking clock her as soon as i saw her today. it's absolutely a good thing that i wasn't there alone with her.
knowing that she was somewhat stable i made plans with krissisan for dinner. she was off at 8, and it seemed like the perfect time to get dinner, hang out and talk with her, and then think about heading home for some sleep in my own bed. it seems once kris and i get talking there isn't really an end. dinner turned into an hour in my car, then a plan to hang out with her at home until nelson got home, and then once nelson got home i was yawning so much that i ended up accepting the orders to just sleep here. which means i will get to spend more time with my mom tomorrow.. yay! i get kind of anxious leaving her, but i hate feeling like a pain in the butt couch surfer (and please... i know i'm not really a pain.. but i'm kind of peculiar and enjoy the comfort of my own bed, with my own cats, with my own oddball night-owl habits, and i don't like disrupting other peoples nights.. even if they insist its ok. :)
i also accepted partly because i want to spend as much time with krissisan before she leaves for the army. i still can't believe she is going to go, but to hear her talk about it and what it means, how hard she's working to make it happen and how much she is looking forward to it, i get caught up in her excitement and am so happy for her. i know she will be great at it, but i'm still a little sad about seeing my best friend leave for a year. i will absolutely be there when she graduates and try to send her as many letters as i can. but, man... knowing she isn't just an hour or so's ride away, or a text message away from chatting... it's kind of heartbreaking.
well.. it's now about 2:30 am, and i'm struggling to type strait and keep things spelled correctly... more updates when i'm more conscious..
but.. one more thing. why the hell do cool things happen at home when i'm away on emergencies? U2 (yes, that U2, the brittish dudes with bono and whatnot) played a secret show at the somerville theater either yesterday, or the day before. U2 in tiny little davis square... a mere 10-15 minute walk from my home... one of my first jobs living in boston was at that theater... it's a huge awesome fucking thing... and i'm out here in western MA. i wouldn't even have cared if i could have gotten in to see the show. but to see all the hullabaloo and excitement so close to home would have been freaking awesome. from the short news clips i've read.. they shut down the whole square to cars and there were like a zillion people milling around.
and i missed it. dammit.
what better place to blow out the candles on your birthday than on a case of vibrators?
