meeces to peeces

clearly, i have an invisible beacon that says "sucker for all things small and cute"

it started 3 years ago at camp. (yes, its another camp story... mostly) one sleepy night in birnamwood, fly and i went to sleep. she took off her shoes, and i snuggled down into my sleeping bag.the next morning, we awoke to a bloodbath in our tent. a mouse, who must have gone into labor unexpectedly, left a trail of baby mice all over.

i know i went to sleep alone, but it sure wasn't the way i woke up. "what the hell is this?" i wondered as i felt a couple of somethings in my sleeping bag. after getting up, i discovered that 2 baby mice had ended up in my bed, they stood no chance. sure, i was a warm place to start off, but i also roll around alot in my sleep. fly also found that her shoe landed on top of one of the mice that had been left behind. another casualty.

i'm not sure what bothers me more. the fact that i murdered a pair of baby mice or the fact that a grown mouse was using me and my sleeping bag as her own personal maternity ward

after we both finished freaking out, our shock brought silence. in that silence we heard soft squeaking. after searching our tent we ended up with 4 baby mice and no mama to be seen. all that week, i tried to be mama mouse. feeding them every 2 hours, trying to keep them warm and clean, but in the end they were just too young.

the next year, a camper discovered a bunch in her suitcase and skittles brought them to me. they shared the same fate as the bunch the year before.

this year when skittles came to find me with that same familiar pity smile on her face, the first word out of my mouth was "no." she explained to me that she thought they were much older, and that they were found in a travel stove that she and her girls were getting ready to use.

i now have 3 new pets.

they are much older this year. they are all eating solid seeds and hopping around like cute little micelets.

there is one problem though... kumori.

she seems to think that these little guys (affectionately named chaz, stuart, and mel by my co-counselors) are snacks for her. i had been keeping them in a plastic critter keeper until they were old enough to move into a bigger tank. she's figured out how to get way up onto the bookcase that i was certain was kitten-proof. she knocked the container down... mice everywhere. it took us about a half hour to track and catch the little meeces.

i thought... alright... kitchen? sure, that'll work. wrong. she knocked the container over again, and this time was smart enough to grab a mouse and run. i'm still not certain how the little guy is going to fare, but they have moved on to a larger glass tank. one that will hopefully keep them safe from my murderous little feline.

these mice are marked for doom.


but they sure are cute.

goodbyes are never easy...

funerals are an odd custom. while they are always sad occasions, they always reunite family and friends.

last week while i was at camp, i got a call from my mom informing me that my aunt elaine had died. in the same breath, she also informed me that her biopsy revealed that she did have temperal arthritis and that the blood thinner she was taking caused her body to form a blood clot in her leg that was bigger than both of my fists. in short, it was not a good conversation.

i was with my girls and it was siesta time, i started crying immediately. i was crying so hard that i had to run away from my girls so i didn't scare them. i ran to the boat house, which is pretty much the only camper free zone at camp as it is our staff lounge. i had only seen two people on my sprint there, but within 5 minutes multiple people were there to give hugs and support. i think thats what i love most about camp. the complete family love for people you've only known for maybe a month.

last night, i traveled to western MA for my aunts funeral. my mother was supposed to go with me, but after seeing the condition she was in, i pretty much told her she needed to stay home and not do something stupid like try to wear her prosthesis. once i got to the funeral home, i saw family i haven't seen in 10+ years. most of them had an open mouthed look of shock when they saw me. the last time i had seen any of them, i was probably still under 5' tall. kids that i knew when they were babies are now reaching ages 15 and older.

i got to catch up with my aunt jackie and my cousin tim. i've seen them semi recently, but it has still been awhile. the topic of my mom came up, and my aunt said that she is seriously concerned for her. while i hate knowing my mom is in that state, it's a relief to know that some members of my family are starting to take notice and see that she is in really terrible shape. my cousin tim also called me out on the fact that my mom likes to leave out details like the fact that she also had [another] stroke or about the fact that they now want to give her a pacemaker. the details are just endless... this happened because that happened and that could cause these things or those things to happen... i'm so afraid that i'm going to get a call telling me that she's just... gone.

i'm finding myself missing camp more and more. coming home to the city is always such a shock to my senses. it's never completely dark here in the city, i am never alone at camp. there is always someone to talk to, and i don't think i've gone more than 15 minutes without someone giving me a friendly hello and a warm smile while i'm at camp. getting up at 7:30 when the gong rings isn't so hard when you are surrounded by happy kids, and amazing summer sisters. rainy afternoons aren't ever dreary or sad because you're playing games, dress up, or singing lots of silly songs with children. someone wearing a sleeping bag in a beauty pageant is high fashion, and a hula skirt doubles as a blonde wig that instantly turns someone into a pop star. your bed might be a little damp, and you might not have showered in three or more days. you also might smell a little like a campfire and dirt but "your" kids still want big hugs before you go to sleep. the people you meet at camp just make all the worries at home a little easier to take, because you know if something really bad happens there will be people there to catch you.

why can't real life be like that?

...hmm it's such a perfect night...

it doesn't seem quite right, hmm, that it should be my last with you....

it really is a perfectly beautiful night out. the moon is shining. the sky is clear. it's the type of night where you don't need a flashlight to walk around because it's just so beautiful.

i leave camp tomorrow.

over the past week, i have discovered that i've reached what i call "counselor fame" i realized it when two little girls, who weren't even in my program, were fighting over who got to carry my backpack. seriously. they also named it, and begged, and i mean really begged me, to let them keep it in their yurt for a "sleepover". i recognize this fame, because i did the same exact thing when i was here at camp. it's very odd. over the past week, i grew really attached to the girls living in anchorage. they were all amazing and special, their hugs were always wonderful. i think my favorite part of getting to live with these kids for a week is tuck-in time. you go around to each yurt (or cabin, tent, and treehouse) and ask the question "hug, handshake, or e.t. kiss?" it's to make a small connection (the e.t. kiss) or give them a great big hug goodnight. i'm especially fond of the reply "all three please". most also tell you about their day and what their favorite parts were. seeing them go also meant that the end of camp was near... it's sad.

tonight we had our staff banquet. it was an "under the sea" prom theme. i started off the night in a faboo dress and heels, but ended up in a sweatshirt and yoga pants. it kind of happened to all of us which is the really amusing part. we get into these really fancy dresses and make-up only to say "screw this" and change an hour later. why we do it, i have no idea. the slideshow was the best part of the night. it was a perfect recap to an amazing summer. there were LOTS of tadjer's pulled this summer. it made things really interesting, you never knew if something funny was going to happen or if it was going to be a normal day. i absolutely can't wait to go home and load my photos and videos up from this past week.

hopefully tomorrow is nice too so we can spend the day lounging on big pond, and maybe tubing..

the end... it's near..

today was the last day of camp. the girls are gone... now it's just us staff. it's about 4:15am, and i've just finished the front and back covers for the staffbooks. tomorrow (which is actually today) we clean camp like nobody's buisness. then we relax.

i'm so tired i'm fidgety.. plus dial-up sucks. i get home on sunday and will put up pictures and blog more then.

foldilocks

after about 4,972,801 dryer sheets.. the laundry is done. it took 7 double load washers, 5 dryers, about $30 in quarters, and 3.5 hours of washing and folding to get it all done.

i have too much clothing. but at least now i won't be stinky at camp! i think the best part about doing all that laundry is finding items i thought i had lost or misplaced. all i need to do is put it all away, pack the stuff i need for camp, throw it in el minivan, and hit the road.

this morning roo informed me that the theme for the staff banquet was an "under the sea" prom. i think its time for these babies to make a comback. (how awesome is it that i took an accidental picture of my feet almost 2 years ago and it comes in handy now?) both the shoes and the dress need a revival. the shoes are the most comfortable heels i've ever worn, but how often do you have the oppurtunity to wear glittery turquoise heels? maybe this fall they will make a comeback.

alright... i will blog on my night off if there isn't a trip down the mountain planned....

encore! pt. 2

this is also the part where i beg for mail while at camp.

write to me!

camp bonnie brae
ellie laramee
p.o. box 539
east otis, MA 01029

you have 10 days... c'mon... spare a girl a postcard. tell me something funny, or something that is going on in the world... mail time is always so lonely when you never get anything....

encore!

it seems to be the year of anchorage for me. last year i spent just about all of my time in sherwood living in either the dingle or wil scarlett cabins. i hate the both of them. they are just behind the cabins the girls sleep in and just on the edge of the wetlands trail, not to mention that sherwood is the place where bob the camp bobcat lives. he likes to make noises at night. scary, screamy, largish cat noises to be exact. not to mention that both of cabins look like they were plucked right out of a 70's horror movie and dropped into beautiful camp bonnie brae. wil scarlett used to have a creepy ass hook hanging from the ceiling. both cabins are also home to alot of mice..

i found out last night via roo and leafy texting me, that i will be living in anchorage with the encore(!) program. i am beyond wicked excited to know that leafy and i are the counselors for this program. leaf is the type of person who can put a smile on your face within about 5 seconds of seeing her. she is amazing, happy, enthusiastic, and wonderful. i've known her for a few years now, and i always love working with her. besides leafy, peaches and myself, i am anxious to learn who else i am going to be living with.

i'm excited to play improv games with the girls. back a loooong time ago in college, i was part of an improv group called "mission improvable". the theater was always packed and we always had an amazing time. i'm guessing the group will be in the 9-12 range again... thats what i'm hoping at least. after checking the weather, i'm also hoping that holds up for us.

ahh anchorage... home of the yerts... i can't wait to see you tomorrow...

my big polish mouth

if i've said it once, i've said it a thousand times... i hate the people that live with my mom.

i mostly hate audrey. i can tolerate stan, only because he is actually trying to do something with his life. audrey on the other hand, is a drug addicted hypochondriac. the teenage girl alyssa has got to be one of the most obnoxious kids i've ever met, and people who know me know that i love kids. their son john has got to be the saddest part of all. he just turned 5. he was born addicted to oxycontin, because his mother audrey, decided that she couldn't live outside the haze long enough to ensure that her child would be healthy. she is the worst mother i have ever seen in my life. john is supposed to start kindergarten next month, and he isn't even registered yet. he's only been potty trained for a little over a month, and still isn't all the way there yet. he never goes outside to play, never see's other kids, and is mostly ignored by both parents. i've seen them yell at him to "shut up" or "go play" constantly. this little boy only wants some attention. when i go to visit my mom, i make it a point to bring something fun and new for him to do. when i do see him, he tells me that he misses me and that he loves me. it breaks my heart.

all of this is relevant. i swear...

my mom is out here in boston at tufts new england medical center. she has been out here since monday. a little over 2 weeks ago, she lost most of the site in her right eye, a few days after that the same thing happened to the left eye. they went to to the eye doctor, and apparently there aren't alot of neuro opthamologists out in springfield. when she got here, she was supposed to be undergoing a temperal biopsy. which meant she needed to be admitted. yes, it totally sucks that she has to be admitted, but it was awesome that it was going to happen here in boston rather than springfield. the biopsy is alot more complicated than i originally thought, they need to drill a hole through her temples to get to the temperal artery. all of this means she needed to come off of her blood thinners so that she didn't bleed to death during the procedure. through all of their monitoring, they started paying attention to her heart. (it happens everytime she ends up in the hospital for something not heart related) then they started focusing on that and not so much her sight. as of today, they were fiddling with her heart meds, and talking about giving her a pace maker. the biopsy is scheduled for tomorrow, and the heart business (she is hoping) will be all sorted out in springfield.

when she got here to boston and was going through the admitting process, they always bring up the subject of her health proxy. that would be me. i am her only daughter, and i am the only one who knows exactly what her wishes are. as upsetting and sad as it is, i know that if she were to die she does not want to be resuscitated. its painful to think about, but after all that she has been through, i understand why she wants it to be this way. i believe that since her last hospital visit, audrey has been pressuring her to be made an alternate health proxy, because on monday night when asked about it, she spoke the fuck up. it was all i could do to restrain myself from punching her in the god damned mouth. my mom took the form and asked for a minute to talk about it. this is not one of the times where i should turn the other cheek to make people happy. i said plainly and politely that i was extremely uncomfortable with that idea. in an instant, audrey started crying and asking why, again, to be polite, my reply was "because of things that have happened in the past". to try and make things easier, my mom spoke up, and said ok, we'll figure this out later. audrey kept pressuring me for an answer, and to try and keep things in neutral ground i kept on putting her off by telling her i didn't want to talk about the reasons why, but that i was uncomfortable with the idea.

time went by... sitting in the ER.... at around 11pm, she was finally taken up to her room.

the nurse came in to ask all the routine questions, and the subject of the health proxy came up again. and of course, without fail, that bitch spoke up again. the nurse left, and she started needling me and pushing me for an answer. at this time, i had been sitting in a hospital for about 10 hours, i was tired, cranky, worried about my mom and.... i just lost it. i spoke very carefully and quietly... my first, and i believe the most important (here is the relevance!) words to here were "i do not feel comfortable giving someone the ability to make life and death decisions about my mother when they can't even take care of their own child". of course...she was not pleased to hear this. she asked me "what i meant" so i made it a point to touch on everything i mentioned up in the first paragraph. in the entire "argument" (are you really arguing if you aren't yelling? i was in a hospital at night for petes sake!) i basically told her that she was an unfit mother, a junkie, a hypochondriac, obnoxious, and a thief. it was not good.

earlier in the day, i had offered her my guest bedroom, not because i wanted her in my house (i reeeeeaaaallly didn't) but because i knew that it would make my mom be a little at ease to know that she wasn't somewhere in the city with her car.

after all of this mess, audrey decided that she was going to stay with her friend in dorchester. if you know dorchester at all, you know that some parts of it aren't so safe. my mom had asked me if i could take audrey to where ever she needed to go, so that her car could come back to somerville with me and be relatively safe. of course, audrey didn't like that idea because it meant she wouldn't have a car. so i handed her the keys and told her "if you want to go drive around in dorchester at midnight, have fun." being from springfield, she had no idea what end was up in the first place. audrey left, i sat there and cried, my mom just ended up upset. i got my mom settled and went downstairs to get a ride home. while waiting i saw her drive past the hospital three times. in my mind i was thinking "awesome. audrey is going to get lost, then carjacked, then mugged... she's going to die and its going to be all my fault". yes, it was completely melodramatic, but nothing good would have come of her trying to find her way around the city. in the end i called her and told her that i wasn't going to fight with her, but that she needed to let me take her to dorchester so my mom wasn't so stressed out about something happening to the car. she did, then i did, and in the end we decided it was not a good idea to fight around my mom.

i got home around 1:30am.

this morning i got up, i had an email waiting from aunt trudy.. i called her and she totally talked me off the ledge stress wise. (i know you will read this sooner or later auntie... i love you!!!) she made going back to the hospital not seem like torture.

the day before mom made me promise to bring anna's taqueria.. and i made good on that promise. i spent pretty much the entire day there today. rain came too... it was really nice for a day in the hospital. at one point i was out and talking to the nurse, when i came back in rain was hugging a weepy mom. i later found out that they had been having a conversation about my mom being really tired after so many years of being so, so sick. she admitted to rain that she wished sometimes she could just... go. it's something she's also said to me, but its not the type of thing where i could give the response "yeah, i wish that too". rain was able to tell her that while i don't want to lose her, it hurts to see her suffer so much and that i understood how she felt. i was so grateful to rain for being able to communicate that to her.... i love my mom so much, but seeing her slowly get to the point she is at now has been complete torture over all these years. i'm at the point where i can't even cry, because i know if i do, it's not going to help her and it's certainly not going to help me. all i can do is take the different situations as they come, and try to react accordingly.

tomorrow, i am just hoping that her biopsy goes smoothly...

...running through my veins an american masquerade...

i've been meaning to blog about the killers show for a few days now, but my final project and the order for magpie have been taking up alot of my time.

the killers were beyond amazing. brandon flowers' voice, stage presence, and lyrics are almost, for lack of a better word, magical. plus he's cute as the dickens. i also found a new interest that night at foxwoods... the casino. i definately understand how people can get easily addicted to gambling. i discovered that i really like roulette. i played the slot machines a bit, but wasn't too thrilled with the randomness and the "thrill" of winning just a little, if at all every time. with roulette, i kept it really basic, red or black. i bet the minimum ($15) every time. if i won, it doubled. when i did win, i would put the double aside, and bet again. i didn't end up rich, but i didn't lose my shirt either, i came out about $60 ahead after starting off with $40. i can easily say that gambling isn't something i will be making a habit of. i like the thrill a little bit, but i also know that its really easy to lose, and that's something i don't like.

the show was in the mgm grand theater... it was beautiful. it was also nice to find some people we knew. in the parking lot, we ran into rachel and matt, and sara was also somewhere at the casino, even if we didn't see her. rachel was the one who taught me how to gamble in the first place (it was my first time). they were down on the first level, and we were up in the mezzanine. we were in row d which was really pretty perfect. we were still close enough to the edge to see well. it was amazing. i managed to catch snips of 4 songs, i wanted to catch more than that, but there was an usher on a power trip who kept interrupting us. below is the opening to the show...

note: the clips aren't the full songs, and some of them are a little shaky because i was trying to hide the fact i was taping from the nazi usher.... there is even one frame where you see her come over... jerk.

i also caught alot of great pics...

that light up "k" was the friggin best... it was such an awesome night....