clearly, i am watching elf for the ZILLIONTH time this season.. it seems like a different christmas this year for all of the obvious reasons. the tree is up, and i've gathered some old time christmas things from moms house. so far, there is only one present under the tree.. the surprize gift i made for steve. honestly, besides that and one other gift i haven't quite finished yet, all of my christmas shopping will be done tomorrow. i've watched the grinch on VHS and spent alot of time in front of the christmas tree with various cups of tea and eggnog. tonight was a treat. my friend chris gave me a tin of hand-rolled jasmine dragon pearl tea.. it's so delish.. AND quite interesting to watch brew. these little itty bitty pearls open up into jasmine leafs and release this amazing fragrance.. it was quite a treat.
today was spent in western MA. i got to see krissisan for the first time since she left in july. i CANNOT believe how much she has changed since she went into the army. she is so happy and fresh that it makes me so gushingly happy for her i don't even know how to express it in words. ever since we were kids, she was never quite sure what or where she wanted to go. she always put her heart into everything she did, but was never excited about it. to hear her talk about it and to see the expression she has is just completely outstanding. she was even talking about going into active duty. this, of course, petrified me to begin with.. mostly because i was ignorant to exactly what happens to folks who are active in the military... she explained it and now that i'm a bit more educated, i think its the best choice she's ever made. i also told her yes.. go active and see the world.. it will give me a good excuse to travel to see you :)
i'm also looking forward to new years. as stephen is leaving for the south and nerdcon, my dates will be dave and nichelle. i couldn't be happier. so far the plan is to rock out around boston at first night and then catch the fireworks on the waterfront at midnight. i cannot wait. it will also be very strange to have the house to myself for a week...
things with the house seem to be moving forward, although at a very slow pace. january looks to be the dumpster rental time, we would have done it sooner, but holidays and a having to work so many hours have kind of put the kibosh on that. since being hired i've kind of been the low man on the totem pole which means i get the least amount of time off. while i really like my job in general, like krissisan, i'm really not very fulfilled. working with art supplies is awesome but the people that come to get them are generally douchebags. i'm hoping that i can get a lead with a local company with some creative folks through a friend in the nearish future.. i've been working my ass off on a website that will serve as my digital portfolio.. i've also been illustrating like mad to have a physical one as well.. slowly but surely, it's all coming together.
i hope everyone (whoever reads.. i never know because y'all are always very quiet) has a great holiday..
merry merry!!!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
getting to know you
i've found secrets. not big secrets.. but interesting ones. they've come in the form of old love letters and lots of photos, items i haven't seen in decades.. some things i didn't even know existed. it's kind of exciting, and it kind of makes me feel like my mom's not totally gone and that i am getting to meet her in ways i didn't think were possible.
while trying to locate the ceramic nativity set my mom had painted many moons ago, i found buried treasure. to start at the beginning.. 15+ years ago, my mom painted these kitchen cookie-jar type things. they were in the shape of buildings.. or townhouses and shops. she had planned on putting our whole family into them. as far as i knew she only made 2. one that was "ellie's deli"/"deb's donuts" and another that was "tom's tavern". i always loved them and when i moved out here to boston about 7 years ago, she let me take them with me. by some freak stroke of luck.. they've survived all my moves.
these are them. the detail on them is the part i love so much. the "help wanted" in her little shops window and the kitties here and there always make me smile.
fast forward to the nativity search.. on top of the suspected box, i found another box (which believe me.. is a REAL trend in that basement). when i opened it, i found.. "trudy's trousseau" a dress shop. it was amazing. i didn't even know it existed. part of me is anxious to go through more boxes.. she always swore that there was another one somewhere.. and i thought she was bananas because i could never find it. the other amusing little detail.. is in the top left window is a lawyers office.
now they are in my kitchen in somerville.. together :)
while trying to locate the ceramic nativity set my mom had painted many moons ago, i found buried treasure. to start at the beginning.. 15+ years ago, my mom painted these kitchen cookie-jar type things. they were in the shape of buildings.. or townhouses and shops. she had planned on putting our whole family into them. as far as i knew she only made 2. one that was "ellie's deli"/"deb's donuts" and another that was "tom's tavern". i always loved them and when i moved out here to boston about 7 years ago, she let me take them with me. by some freak stroke of luck.. they've survived all my moves.
these are them. the detail on them is the part i love so much. the "help wanted" in her little shops window and the kitties here and there always make me smile.
fast forward to the nativity search.. on top of the suspected box, i found another box (which believe me.. is a REAL trend in that basement). when i opened it, i found.. "trudy's trousseau" a dress shop. it was amazing. i didn't even know it existed. part of me is anxious to go through more boxes.. she always swore that there was another one somewhere.. and i thought she was bananas because i could never find it. the other amusing little detail.. is in the top left window is a lawyers office.
now they are in my kitchen in somerville.. together :)
Sunday, November 29, 2009
i'll meet you there sir
i'm grateful for my many friends. they come from all over the place and they do many many things profesionally. one of my friends happens to be a social worker. she had met my mom a couple of times and been to the house a couple of years back. she knew what the sitiation was at the house and from my request never put her profession into play when it came to my mom.
until now.
after she passed, we spoke a few times. she had mentioned that she thought i should call an organization to file a report.. i originally thought that not much would come of it so i put it in the "to do at a much later date" mental folder. after i got sick, i started thinking more about the organization.. my main thought was.. if i got that sick after just 4 days over 2 weeks of trying to clean that house.. what the hell did it do to her over all those years? all the years of filth, smoking, dust, animal feces, mold and whatever the hell else was in there. what if that didn't have to happen to her? what if i wasn't actually crazy and stan an audrey actually weren't taking care of her? all those trips to the hospital with drastically wrong med levels. sepsis and infected bed wounds. pneumonia. bronchitis. the list goes on.
i called my friend. she gave me the number for the DPPC or the disabled persons protection committee. i filed the report on a monday and the woman i spoke with told me that i should hear from someone via letter in 3-4 weeks telling me if they think there is something to investigate. that thursday, i got a call from a state trooper (who are also a part of the DPPC) telling me that there was something to be looked at and that i would also be hearing from the ADA's office and a DPPC investigator.
they all called that day. not the 3-4 weeks that i had expected. clearly, i am not crazy.
i've answered hours worth of questions and sent all the photos i took "just in case". her medical records are being pulled from baystate, health south, and her doctors office. the nurses that cared for her all those times in the hospital are being contacted.
the week before thanksgiving i spoke with the investigator and he asked if it would be possible to see the house to see what condition it was in. i was leaving for the SkillsUSA fall state leadership conference, but i made arrangements to meet with him the following tuesday once the conference was over. my god i was so frigging tired. when i arrived in springfield, i found not one, but two people waiting for me. the state trooper also came along. to say that it was a little surreal being interviewed while by two quite stern looking investigators in my the middle of my moms living room is a complete understatement.
they commented on the smell.. i tried to explain that with the smoking, dirty ferret papers, overflowing cat litter boxes, and unemptied garbage and medical waste... they didn't know what a bad smell was. they were also shocked that DFS hadn't removed the kids from the home.. basically.. it was a long interview.
at this point, if things progress and the ADA thinks that there is an actual case (because really, in the end.. they might not be able to find evidence of probable cause) they could face criminal neglect of a disabled person to involuntary manslaughter (which while i believe they deserve that.. i doubt that type of evidence could be found). at the very least, it's already been put into the works to make sure that stan and audrey can never ever care for another person. not ever as an EMT, PSA, RN.. nothing. which is also mentally soothing to know.. they can never ever do something bad to another person. the trooper is also looking to have them thoroughly investigated by the department of family services.
i really can't believe that this has all happened in such a short period of time.. but.. there you have it.
so.. this blog shouldn't be all about doom and gloom.
i have to say. married life is fantastic. i don't quite know exactly when it happened, or what caused the click, but i feel like i'm back in this blissful state that i remember from when we first moved into the cottage on southbourne road. i mean.. people say that this is the honeymoon period, but most people don't seem to have a lot of the stresses we've had for being newly married. maybe it's the stress that's making us appreciate each other more?
steve seems to have changed. he now sends me little text messages sometimes during the day just to say "hi, i love you" when he never ever used to do things like that. when i go away to conferences he would usually just go into bachelor gaming mode hanging out in his underwear and eating out of cans. i wouldn't hear from him until i was leaving the conference and even then it was just to ask if i knew if we had anything to eat and was i bringing something home... this time he sent me daily photo emails telling me how much he missed me and what was i doing. it was wonderfully odd. i find myself watching the clock during the day not for when i can go home and veg out, but for when i can go home and hug steve. he wants to try new things.. helps me clean (moreso when he's trying to find a game he lost... but i'll take it either way), he is also trying to put a serious effort forth on learning how to cook. his reasoning? "sometimes you seem really tired when you get home. it would be nice to know how to cook something that real people eat." that i think was the thing that caught me most off guard.
it really has been quite fantastic.
it's odd. i hope that this is a preview of what is still coming with our life together.
:)
until now.
after she passed, we spoke a few times. she had mentioned that she thought i should call an organization to file a report.. i originally thought that not much would come of it so i put it in the "to do at a much later date" mental folder. after i got sick, i started thinking more about the organization.. my main thought was.. if i got that sick after just 4 days over 2 weeks of trying to clean that house.. what the hell did it do to her over all those years? all the years of filth, smoking, dust, animal feces, mold and whatever the hell else was in there. what if that didn't have to happen to her? what if i wasn't actually crazy and stan an audrey actually weren't taking care of her? all those trips to the hospital with drastically wrong med levels. sepsis and infected bed wounds. pneumonia. bronchitis. the list goes on.
i called my friend. she gave me the number for the DPPC or the disabled persons protection committee. i filed the report on a monday and the woman i spoke with told me that i should hear from someone via letter in 3-4 weeks telling me if they think there is something to investigate. that thursday, i got a call from a state trooper (who are also a part of the DPPC) telling me that there was something to be looked at and that i would also be hearing from the ADA's office and a DPPC investigator.
they all called that day. not the 3-4 weeks that i had expected. clearly, i am not crazy.
i've answered hours worth of questions and sent all the photos i took "just in case". her medical records are being pulled from baystate, health south, and her doctors office. the nurses that cared for her all those times in the hospital are being contacted.
the week before thanksgiving i spoke with the investigator and he asked if it would be possible to see the house to see what condition it was in. i was leaving for the SkillsUSA fall state leadership conference, but i made arrangements to meet with him the following tuesday once the conference was over. my god i was so frigging tired. when i arrived in springfield, i found not one, but two people waiting for me. the state trooper also came along. to say that it was a little surreal being interviewed while by two quite stern looking investigators in my the middle of my moms living room is a complete understatement.
they commented on the smell.. i tried to explain that with the smoking, dirty ferret papers, overflowing cat litter boxes, and unemptied garbage and medical waste... they didn't know what a bad smell was. they were also shocked that DFS hadn't removed the kids from the home.. basically.. it was a long interview.
at this point, if things progress and the ADA thinks that there is an actual case (because really, in the end.. they might not be able to find evidence of probable cause) they could face criminal neglect of a disabled person to involuntary manslaughter (which while i believe they deserve that.. i doubt that type of evidence could be found). at the very least, it's already been put into the works to make sure that stan and audrey can never ever care for another person. not ever as an EMT, PSA, RN.. nothing. which is also mentally soothing to know.. they can never ever do something bad to another person. the trooper is also looking to have them thoroughly investigated by the department of family services.
i really can't believe that this has all happened in such a short period of time.. but.. there you have it.
so.. this blog shouldn't be all about doom and gloom.
i have to say. married life is fantastic. i don't quite know exactly when it happened, or what caused the click, but i feel like i'm back in this blissful state that i remember from when we first moved into the cottage on southbourne road. i mean.. people say that this is the honeymoon period, but most people don't seem to have a lot of the stresses we've had for being newly married. maybe it's the stress that's making us appreciate each other more?
steve seems to have changed. he now sends me little text messages sometimes during the day just to say "hi, i love you" when he never ever used to do things like that. when i go away to conferences he would usually just go into bachelor gaming mode hanging out in his underwear and eating out of cans. i wouldn't hear from him until i was leaving the conference and even then it was just to ask if i knew if we had anything to eat and was i bringing something home... this time he sent me daily photo emails telling me how much he missed me and what was i doing. it was wonderfully odd. i find myself watching the clock during the day not for when i can go home and veg out, but for when i can go home and hug steve. he wants to try new things.. helps me clean (moreso when he's trying to find a game he lost... but i'll take it either way), he is also trying to put a serious effort forth on learning how to cook. his reasoning? "sometimes you seem really tired when you get home. it would be nice to know how to cook something that real people eat." that i think was the thing that caught me most off guard.
it really has been quite fantastic.
it's odd. i hope that this is a preview of what is still coming with our life together.
:)
Monday, November 9, 2009
ill will.. and then some
i am a sick person.
this is new to me. aside from birth.. i've never been really sick. flu's, sure. colds, of course. allergies, yup. the basic, be gone in a week, not a big deal simple stuff.
not this time. this time, i'm sick enough to where i am going to have to rely on a prescription device to help me. forever. i don't like it.
i'll start at the beginning.
2 weeks ago, i was out working on the cleanup of my moms house. it's a ridiculously huge task as the people living there are human garbage themselves. on the way home from springfield on sunday, i started feeling pretty crappy. it took rain and i about 4 hours to get home because she was so exhausted from all the work, and i was feeling pretty sick.
the next morning i woke up feeling horrific. i had high fevers, nausea, aches, headache, sore throat, coughing like you wouldn't believe.. after about a day in this condition. i went to the hospital when my fever reached 105 only to be diagnosed with h1n1 (i hate the term swine flu.. ugh). i hibernated for a week on tamiflu and got healthy again. at least, thats what i thought.
fast forward to last thursday and friday. i went back out to springfield to continue the cleanup. in the 2 days, i pulled 13 bags of garbage out of the kitchen (the only real room i got to work in) and spent an hour and a half with a spray bottle of bleach, grease cutting lysol, and windex (separate bottles of course.)and a metal scraper, scraping hair and whatever the hell else it was that was making up the 1/2 inch or so of disgusting filth out of the bottom of the fridge. this does not include washing the drawers and shelves. i never got to that part. i was also able to wash most of 3 of the 4 walls in the kitchen and some of the wood trim. i finished all of that off with bleaching the bejeezus out of the floor. it was a crap ton of work..
i'm still not even completely finished with the kitchen.
saturday morning comes and i was headed to franklin for a skillsusa meeting. since the night before i had been having some wheezing and strained breathing. i assumed my allergies were just flaring up from all of the dust i was inhaling. by the time i arrived in franklin, i was nearly gasping for breath. i was told by several people that i was on my way to the milford regional medical center emergency room. i protested a bit as i'm not a huge fan of hospitals. the truth is, i kind of just wanted to go home and then go with steve. i'm grateful that my friend scott went with me.. am i thrilled that he got to see me in a hospital johnnie.. not so much.
the rest of the visit was tests and whatnot and in the end, this is what i learned.
-i have the following in my lungs: mold, mildew, animal dirt (since i cleaned up mouse droppings, ferret droppings, and cat urine/droppings that were many years old i assume this is what they meant), dust, and pollen. they said that all the chemicals i was fiddling with probably also helped to irritate my lungs.
the other interesting twist to all of this is that it precipitated to this point because 2 weeks prior, i was treated for h1n1, not the mold and other crap. had i not caught the flu, they probably would have detected the mold and it wouldn't have had the chance to kick around in my lungs for 2 weeks. the doctor said that the thursday and friday i spent there with the extra "dose" of the mold is probably what kicked it up to the condition i was in saturday morning.
all of this means i get to have the following treatments: daily trips to the hospital for the next 6 days for a 45 minute breathing treatment, 5 more days left of prednisone (which by the way, is WREAKING HAVOC with my system), antibiotics, 2 puffs of an albuterol inhaler every 4 hours, and i can't sleep lying down.
not to mention that they've discovered i have some scar tissue in the bottom of my lungs meaning that i will need to carry an inhaler with my for the rest of my life just in case i get short of breath.
my moms friend linda (who i get to communicate with now thanks to facebook, so awesome!) told me this.
"....don't let those creeps live rent free in your head, honey....let it go they aren't worth any more misery than they've already given you..."
but honestly.. every time i cough all i can think about it the anger and hate i have for them. not only did they mistreat my mother (much more on that at a much later time), but now their filth and just plain awfulness has permanently effected my health, and my ability to try and get this house into a shape where it can be sold or rented. they are making the future for stephen and i seem sometimes bleak and hopeless. they've brought the amount of work up to what seems to be an impossible crawl through a tunnel that seems to have no light at the end. it's overwhelming and it makes me feel really depressed.
i think it's safe to say that my next trip back to the house will just be to load things into totes (wearing a mask of course).. after that i was advised that i should probably hire someone to do the bare bones cleaning.
*sigh*
this is new to me. aside from birth.. i've never been really sick. flu's, sure. colds, of course. allergies, yup. the basic, be gone in a week, not a big deal simple stuff.
not this time. this time, i'm sick enough to where i am going to have to rely on a prescription device to help me. forever. i don't like it.
i'll start at the beginning.
2 weeks ago, i was out working on the cleanup of my moms house. it's a ridiculously huge task as the people living there are human garbage themselves. on the way home from springfield on sunday, i started feeling pretty crappy. it took rain and i about 4 hours to get home because she was so exhausted from all the work, and i was feeling pretty sick.
the next morning i woke up feeling horrific. i had high fevers, nausea, aches, headache, sore throat, coughing like you wouldn't believe.. after about a day in this condition. i went to the hospital when my fever reached 105 only to be diagnosed with h1n1 (i hate the term swine flu.. ugh). i hibernated for a week on tamiflu and got healthy again. at least, thats what i thought.
fast forward to last thursday and friday. i went back out to springfield to continue the cleanup. in the 2 days, i pulled 13 bags of garbage out of the kitchen (the only real room i got to work in) and spent an hour and a half with a spray bottle of bleach, grease cutting lysol, and windex (separate bottles of course.)and a metal scraper, scraping hair and whatever the hell else it was that was making up the 1/2 inch or so of disgusting filth out of the bottom of the fridge. this does not include washing the drawers and shelves. i never got to that part. i was also able to wash most of 3 of the 4 walls in the kitchen and some of the wood trim. i finished all of that off with bleaching the bejeezus out of the floor. it was a crap ton of work..
i'm still not even completely finished with the kitchen.
saturday morning comes and i was headed to franklin for a skillsusa meeting. since the night before i had been having some wheezing and strained breathing. i assumed my allergies were just flaring up from all of the dust i was inhaling. by the time i arrived in franklin, i was nearly gasping for breath. i was told by several people that i was on my way to the milford regional medical center emergency room. i protested a bit as i'm not a huge fan of hospitals. the truth is, i kind of just wanted to go home and then go with steve. i'm grateful that my friend scott went with me.. am i thrilled that he got to see me in a hospital johnnie.. not so much.
the rest of the visit was tests and whatnot and in the end, this is what i learned.
-i have the following in my lungs: mold, mildew, animal dirt (since i cleaned up mouse droppings, ferret droppings, and cat urine/droppings that were many years old i assume this is what they meant), dust, and pollen. they said that all the chemicals i was fiddling with probably also helped to irritate my lungs.
the other interesting twist to all of this is that it precipitated to this point because 2 weeks prior, i was treated for h1n1, not the mold and other crap. had i not caught the flu, they probably would have detected the mold and it wouldn't have had the chance to kick around in my lungs for 2 weeks. the doctor said that the thursday and friday i spent there with the extra "dose" of the mold is probably what kicked it up to the condition i was in saturday morning.
all of this means i get to have the following treatments: daily trips to the hospital for the next 6 days for a 45 minute breathing treatment, 5 more days left of prednisone (which by the way, is WREAKING HAVOC with my system), antibiotics, 2 puffs of an albuterol inhaler every 4 hours, and i can't sleep lying down.
not to mention that they've discovered i have some scar tissue in the bottom of my lungs meaning that i will need to carry an inhaler with my for the rest of my life just in case i get short of breath.
my moms friend linda (who i get to communicate with now thanks to facebook, so awesome!) told me this.
"....don't let those creeps live rent free in your head, honey....let it go they aren't worth any more misery than they've already given you..."
but honestly.. every time i cough all i can think about it the anger and hate i have for them. not only did they mistreat my mother (much more on that at a much later time), but now their filth and just plain awfulness has permanently effected my health, and my ability to try and get this house into a shape where it can be sold or rented. they are making the future for stephen and i seem sometimes bleak and hopeless. they've brought the amount of work up to what seems to be an impossible crawl through a tunnel that seems to have no light at the end. it's overwhelming and it makes me feel really depressed.
i think it's safe to say that my next trip back to the house will just be to load things into totes (wearing a mask of course).. after that i was advised that i should probably hire someone to do the bare bones cleaning.
*sigh*
Sunday, October 4, 2009
“the old rhetoric, it’s a burning wick and I explode, ‘cause my hearts sick. I don’t need this rock and roll, I just want to crawl back home to you. –
written on Saturday Oct. 3rd
First off…. I has no interwebs. Which means in order to get the thoughts that are in my head (now at
Tonight was fan-fucking-tastic. Bleu and Dear Leader played at the
It’s also night like these that make me to thankful to have such amazing friends, whether it be childhood, skills, girlscouts, and concert friends.. they are all amazing. These are the friends I don’t see very often.. mostly just at concerts. As Derek (and many others) like to scream every now and then for nostalgia… “WE ALL MET ON THE INTERNET!!!!” it was one of those nights where I stood shoulder to shoulder with derek, couirey, rachel, matty, bill b, kaarin, angela, alan, and a few others and feel like everything in the world was just as it should be. Nothing was bad.. nothing was sad.. amazing music was being made.. memories were chattered about.. songs were sung together in completely blissful screaming (aaron was doing the real singing.. we were mostly just belting out lyrics with him because…well. that’s just how we roll) The best part might have just been when Aaron acoustically sang “I’m a Believer” (which is a Sheila Divine song)in acoustic. At this point it was, I think, the second to last song or something.. we were all hugging and pretty much singing at the top of our lungs. Best. Times. Ever.
Family who reads here: as a reference, this is the group of people that pitched in together and send that enormously delicious edible arrangement to the cavalier. They are amazing.
I feel like in the past week, I’ve marked another chapter and gone through a change. I just over 3 feet of hair off and made the leap into obviously visible tattoos. Maybe it’s a change I need? Change is good.. I think that steve is a little traumatized by it all. Perhaps not such a great thing for a new marriage.. but life will move on and as he’s already told me “*sigh* it’ll grow back”. He’s said that he thinks the new ink is pretty.. but in his conservative mind, it’s not a good thing. For me and my artist nature.. its almost like therapy.. visible therapy with a lot of meaning behind it. Tattoos with an important story are a good thing.. but again… I have an artist nature. Speaking of the tattoo.. christ on a cracker I didn’t think I was going to make it through this one. Awesome Andrew (it’s what I call him since I have no idea what the man’s last name is) and I spent from about
I’m still finding it very hard to talk about or think about my mom without having some serious emotional issues. I still feel very lost. I still want to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about things I’ve done or seen.. or anything really. I just miss the sound of her voice and her way of offering advice about all the crazy things that run through my head. I am in the process of writing wedding thank you cards, and I know that I still have to write funeral ones.. I’ve tried on several occations to start writing them, but it’s just too hard. I find I can’t even get through the first one. The holidays are also coming.. yeah. I definitely think this paragraph should end… here.
So. In the quest for some life change.. I am looking for some new music. Dear Leader should last me about a month J send suggestions!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
57
today would have been my moms 57th birthday. she had considered it a milestone and a miracle for every year past 50.
the wedding was beautiful. i don't think that i could have painted a more beautiful day. i felt beautiful in my dress, and steve was just so darned handsome. everyone seemed to have an amazing time... there is so much more to write.. but i'm so tired... and thinking about how much i missed my mom makes it hard to write.
things are ok, but i'm still in kind of a low space.
more soon i hope.
the wedding was beautiful. i don't think that i could have painted a more beautiful day. i felt beautiful in my dress, and steve was just so darned handsome. everyone seemed to have an amazing time... there is so much more to write.. but i'm so tired... and thinking about how much i missed my mom makes it hard to write.
things are ok, but i'm still in kind of a low space.
more soon i hope.
Friday, August 14, 2009
time is no longer my friend
where the hell did the last week go? i realized yesterday that it has been a week since my mom has been gone. i can't even begin to describe how much i miss her right now. everything is so fresh.. i see her name in my address book whenever i scroll by the L's. her voicemail from 7/15 is still on my phone. hearing her voice is like reliving the whole thing over again.. and to go back and think that i won't actually hear her voice again is completely devastating. it's actually alot worse than that, but i can't really think of a word to properly encompass exactly how this all feels. i've also been going through the guestlist marking RSVP's.. her name is the first name on my side of the family's list. to think ahead to september makes me sick to my stomach. everyone keeps saying (and i apologize if you are part of the "Everyone", please don't take this personally) that "she'll be there".. the part of me that's still really angry wants to snap "shut up, it's not the same".. and the reasonable part of me finds some comfort in that. i listen to the reasonable part most of the time.
the few days in between her death and the funeral services were horrific. i don't think i would have been able to mentally cope with them were my family not there. especially aunt penny. she stayed for the entire time.. right up until the end. the day after she died she came with me to davids bridal to have my final dress fitting. i certainly won't go into details, but i pretty much lost my shit standing there in front of the seamstress. i'm grateful i wasn't out in the main store, but in one of the back rooms where my freak out was contained.
i got home monday night, and with the exception of a brief trip to central square on wednesday, this afternoon was the first time i've been out of bed all week. i've just been sleeping. garcia has been my main company. man that cat is clingy.. and noisy come to think of it.
i have no idea what i really belive in when it comes to religion. i don't know if i believe in signs, and other funny stuff like that.. but i see and hear of odd things that have been happening and it definitely sets my mind wondering. the bumblebee on the photo, the rose of sharon in aunt trudy's yard, the ferret cap on the snapple, the weird little bee-looking bugs that have been in my "garden" this week... all of those little odditys led me to make a really fast and rash decision. i ended up getting a tattoo of the bumblebee that kept landing on the photo. i got it in a rather visible spot.. mostly becuase i wanted to be able to see it easily all the time.. and also quite a bit because i didn't really think it out. c'est la vie.. i have no real regrets on getting it though, plus i had rain and nicole to support my crazy decision. the detail on it is AMAZING.. so amazing that once again, i cannot find the words. it's fuzzy looking, has little bee antenae, gossamer wings.. it even has little bee toes. i'll post more pictures once it's healed.. the iphone really didn't do the work any justice..
along with sadness, last week brought alot of anger. mostly towards all of the complete lack of respect and bullshit that audrey and the family have brought to this time. .. more on that at a later blog..
back to work tomorrow. boo.
the few days in between her death and the funeral services were horrific. i don't think i would have been able to mentally cope with them were my family not there. especially aunt penny. she stayed for the entire time.. right up until the end. the day after she died she came with me to davids bridal to have my final dress fitting. i certainly won't go into details, but i pretty much lost my shit standing there in front of the seamstress. i'm grateful i wasn't out in the main store, but in one of the back rooms where my freak out was contained.
i got home monday night, and with the exception of a brief trip to central square on wednesday, this afternoon was the first time i've been out of bed all week. i've just been sleeping. garcia has been my main company. man that cat is clingy.. and noisy come to think of it.
i have no idea what i really belive in when it comes to religion. i don't know if i believe in signs, and other funny stuff like that.. but i see and hear of odd things that have been happening and it definitely sets my mind wondering. the bumblebee on the photo, the rose of sharon in aunt trudy's yard, the ferret cap on the snapple, the weird little bee-looking bugs that have been in my "garden" this week... all of those little odditys led me to make a really fast and rash decision. i ended up getting a tattoo of the bumblebee that kept landing on the photo. i got it in a rather visible spot.. mostly becuase i wanted to be able to see it easily all the time.. and also quite a bit because i didn't really think it out. c'est la vie.. i have no real regrets on getting it though, plus i had rain and nicole to support my crazy decision. the detail on it is AMAZING.. so amazing that once again, i cannot find the words. it's fuzzy looking, has little bee antenae, gossamer wings.. it even has little bee toes. i'll post more pictures once it's healed.. the iphone really didn't do the work any justice..
along with sadness, last week brought alot of anger. mostly towards all of the complete lack of respect and bullshit that audrey and the family have brought to this time. .. more on that at a later blog..
back to work tomorrow. boo.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Deborah A. Laramee 1952-2009
Deborah A. Laramee 1952 – 2009 SPRINGFIELD – Deborah A. “Debbie” Laramee, 56, of the Hungry Hill section of Springfield was Called Safely Home on Wednesday, August 5, 2009. She was born in Springfield on September 22, 1952, a beloved daughter of Ernestine M. (Lizakowski) Laramee of Chicopee and the late Emile A. “Bucky” Laramee who was Called Home on April 28, 1994. She was raised in Chicopee and graduated from Chicopee High School. She lived in Chicopee until 1979 when she moved to the Hungry Hill section of Springfield. She was employed as a bookkeeper at Longmeadow Flowers and Pat Parker and Sons in Springfield. She was a longtime Girl Scout Troop Leader in Springfield. She was a communicant of Saint Patrick Church in Chicopee Falls. Besides her beloved father, she was predeceased by her former husband, Ralph H. Morse, Jr. who was Called Home in 2000. Besides her beloved mother, she leaves her loving daughter, Ellien E. “Ellie” Laramee and her fiancé, Stephen B. Byers, both of Somerville; her dear brothers and sister, Ronald W. Laramee and his wife, Marcia of Cape Neddick, ME, Alison E. Cochrane and her husband, Archie of Mystic, CT, Thomas M. Laramee and his wife, Trudy and Duane A. Laramee, all of Chicopee. She also leaves her many dear nephews, nieces and friends including her best friend, Penny Lam and her husband, Gent of Westfield. Her Funeral Service will be held on Monday morning, August 10, 2009 at 10 a.m. at the St. Pierre – Phaneuf Aldenville Chapels, (413-532-9806), 13 Dale Street (at the junction of Grattan Street) in Chicopee. Her burial will follow the service at Sainte Rose Cemetery, 49 Olsen Street in Chicopee. Her family will receive friends at the funeral home in the Rose Chapel on Sunday, August 9, 2009 from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. The parking lot and main entrance are located in the rear of the funeral home at 20 Lafayette Street, Chicopee, MA 01020.
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it's been a long couple of days. i'll start at the beginning.
sunday afternoon, i got a call telling me that they were bringing my mom to the hospital, and that they were going to do some tests to figure out what was causing her to go downhill.
later that night, i received another call saying that she had a serious infection that was causing her to go septic, high coumadin levels, and low blood pressure. they were sending her to catscan since her blood pressure was low.. they were tring to find out if she was having internal bleeding again.
it turned out that she was bleeding internally from a preforated intestine that had folded onto itself.. along with a raging infection from bedsores and other various things.. all of which were causing low bloodpressure.
they started giving her a super strong antibiotic to combat the infection and sepsis, platelets to try and stimualte coagulation, and a medication to raise her blood pressure. along with these, they were also giving her painkillers from all the pain the sores (which mostly covered her body.. this happens after being in bed since december), which was causing more problems with blood pressure lowering.. which painkillers do.
she had a conversation with doctors about what she wanted to happen for her.. she had told them that she didn't want to end up back in ICU, didn't want to be intubated should she have breathing issues, and didn't want to be resusitated should her heart stop.
i arrived in springfield around 2:30 am sunday morning.. and was told about what she wanted... which i already knew anyways.. and i then made the decision to follow her wishes. by this time, it was about 4am.. they stopped all of the treatments they were giving her, and moved her up to a regular room. they started her on a morphine drip to relax and make her comfortable. they also increased it steadily every hour and a half or so.
by the next evening, there was talk about how much the morphine was helping her and whethere or not she seemed comfortable.. which she didn't. her nurses talked with physicians and doctors and the decision was made to place her on dilotted (sp?) which is much more powerful than morphine. by around 10pm, they made the switch, and it seemed to relax her almost immediately.
for those of you curious about the difference.. here is the example. the highest step for morphine that she got to was 22 miligrams per hour. she had been on this for about 18 or so hours and was still fidgety and uncomfortable. when they started her on dilotted, she started at 3 miligrams per hour, and was nearly immeadiately peaceful.
by about 4:30 this morning, she had passed away to a much better place.
i would not have been able to deal with all of this if it weren't for my amazing family. SO MANY people came through.. called, texted.. emailed. the support has been overwhelming. to aunt penny, uncle gent, aunt jackie, aunt trudy, aunt kinnin, uncle tom, uncle duane, uncle danny, dan, dawn, linda, crystal, amber, heather, charlotte, uncle fran.. and anyone else i might have forgotten.. thank you for coming.. thank you for the mom stories and making me laugh when i really just wanted to cry.. you made the past 27 hours bearable.
after my moms passing, it's completely been my uncle tom who took charge of everything. making plans for events is not something i'm good at, especially when i am stressed out. to uncle tom, you are the most amazing uncle.. thank you soo much.
well.. i have a limited amount of time, before i have to do this, that, and many, many other things.. more updates as they are warrented.
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it's been a long couple of days. i'll start at the beginning.
sunday afternoon, i got a call telling me that they were bringing my mom to the hospital, and that they were going to do some tests to figure out what was causing her to go downhill.
later that night, i received another call saying that she had a serious infection that was causing her to go septic, high coumadin levels, and low blood pressure. they were sending her to catscan since her blood pressure was low.. they were tring to find out if she was having internal bleeding again.
it turned out that she was bleeding internally from a preforated intestine that had folded onto itself.. along with a raging infection from bedsores and other various things.. all of which were causing low bloodpressure.
they started giving her a super strong antibiotic to combat the infection and sepsis, platelets to try and stimualte coagulation, and a medication to raise her blood pressure. along with these, they were also giving her painkillers from all the pain the sores (which mostly covered her body.. this happens after being in bed since december), which was causing more problems with blood pressure lowering.. which painkillers do.
she had a conversation with doctors about what she wanted to happen for her.. she had told them that she didn't want to end up back in ICU, didn't want to be intubated should she have breathing issues, and didn't want to be resusitated should her heart stop.
i arrived in springfield around 2:30 am sunday morning.. and was told about what she wanted... which i already knew anyways.. and i then made the decision to follow her wishes. by this time, it was about 4am.. they stopped all of the treatments they were giving her, and moved her up to a regular room. they started her on a morphine drip to relax and make her comfortable. they also increased it steadily every hour and a half or so.
by the next evening, there was talk about how much the morphine was helping her and whethere or not she seemed comfortable.. which she didn't. her nurses talked with physicians and doctors and the decision was made to place her on dilotted (sp?) which is much more powerful than morphine. by around 10pm, they made the switch, and it seemed to relax her almost immediately.
for those of you curious about the difference.. here is the example. the highest step for morphine that she got to was 22 miligrams per hour. she had been on this for about 18 or so hours and was still fidgety and uncomfortable. when they started her on dilotted, she started at 3 miligrams per hour, and was nearly immeadiately peaceful.
by about 4:30 this morning, she had passed away to a much better place.
i would not have been able to deal with all of this if it weren't for my amazing family. SO MANY people came through.. called, texted.. emailed. the support has been overwhelming. to aunt penny, uncle gent, aunt jackie, aunt trudy, aunt kinnin, uncle tom, uncle duane, uncle danny, dan, dawn, linda, crystal, amber, heather, charlotte, uncle fran.. and anyone else i might have forgotten.. thank you for coming.. thank you for the mom stories and making me laugh when i really just wanted to cry.. you made the past 27 hours bearable.
after my moms passing, it's completely been my uncle tom who took charge of everything. making plans for events is not something i'm good at, especially when i am stressed out. to uncle tom, you are the most amazing uncle.. thank you soo much.
well.. i have a limited amount of time, before i have to do this, that, and many, many other things.. more updates as they are warrented.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
where is the time going?
all week i had been planning to blog. i just ended up busy, busy, busy.
this week, i spent a great deal of time at the beach. my goal is to get to the golden tan color i used to get as a kid. thank you indian heritage for helping me get so amazingly golden.. and to my polish side.. thank you for giving me freckles. most people frown upon them.. but i dig them.
almost every day last week was spent at nahant beach. the sand is so soft and smooth.. the water is clear and perfect.. it's wonderful.
when i wasn't at the beach, i was working on wedding things. i got the very last of the invitations out. i've also been stalking our mailman like crazy. i do love opening mail. i also ordered little things for caity and amelia.. who are now my flower girls. yet another reason to spoil them rotten. :)
AND. when i wasn't doing wedding things, i've been creating art. i've taken to drawing flowers. they are so pretty, and i really love drawing the organic shapes and soft flowing lines. i drew most of the flowers that i used on the invitations, and after that was kind of hooked. i've drawn flowers that amber and ben took, and recently saw a photo of some hydrangias that becky took. she said i could use it as a reference photo and have decided that i am going to make it a large scale piece. the colors in it are so gorgeous, i'm really excited to draw and then paint it.
it seems like this week will hopefully be full of more beach trips.. maybe some pool trips.. tuesday i am headed to western MA to have my final dress fitting. i have to have the dress taken in and bustled.. i'm super excited that it's being taken in. when i first got the dress, it was tight. i started going to the gym and eating really fresh fruits and veggies and over the summer have lost around 30lbs. i'm super happy about this. plus, i feel much better than i did.
it's all very exciting.
most of the beach trips were spent with rain and nicole.. i also got some hang out time with randi and chris too.. all in all it was a good week.
again.. promises for blogging.. but we'll see about time constraints.
this week, i spent a great deal of time at the beach. my goal is to get to the golden tan color i used to get as a kid. thank you indian heritage for helping me get so amazingly golden.. and to my polish side.. thank you for giving me freckles. most people frown upon them.. but i dig them.
almost every day last week was spent at nahant beach. the sand is so soft and smooth.. the water is clear and perfect.. it's wonderful.
when i wasn't at the beach, i was working on wedding things. i got the very last of the invitations out. i've also been stalking our mailman like crazy. i do love opening mail. i also ordered little things for caity and amelia.. who are now my flower girls. yet another reason to spoil them rotten. :)
AND. when i wasn't doing wedding things, i've been creating art. i've taken to drawing flowers. they are so pretty, and i really love drawing the organic shapes and soft flowing lines. i drew most of the flowers that i used on the invitations, and after that was kind of hooked. i've drawn flowers that amber and ben took, and recently saw a photo of some hydrangias that becky took. she said i could use it as a reference photo and have decided that i am going to make it a large scale piece. the colors in it are so gorgeous, i'm really excited to draw and then paint it.
it seems like this week will hopefully be full of more beach trips.. maybe some pool trips.. tuesday i am headed to western MA to have my final dress fitting. i have to have the dress taken in and bustled.. i'm super excited that it's being taken in. when i first got the dress, it was tight. i started going to the gym and eating really fresh fruits and veggies and over the summer have lost around 30lbs. i'm super happy about this. plus, i feel much better than i did.
it's all very exciting.
most of the beach trips were spent with rain and nicole.. i also got some hang out time with randi and chris too.. all in all it was a good week.
again.. promises for blogging.. but we'll see about time constraints.
Friday, July 24, 2009
so much
good.ness.
it has been a busy week... or well 10 days since i've posted. alot has happened since then. i feel like i've been pingponging back and forth across massachusetts like crazy.
recently i've been in a bit of a funk. my best friend has left for army boot camp. she left on wednesday.. and just knowing that she isn't available to chat or to drop in on is getting me down. i'm thrilled to death and excited as hell that nichele, rain, crystal and amber are going to be by my side, but i will definitely feel her absence that day.
the real kicker.. she finishes boot camp THE TUESDAY AFTER I GET MARRIED. so upsetting.
i miss her, and i know she is doing a great thing. it's all very difficult to process.
in honor of her leaving, i spent most of last weekend with her. i had lunch with some of the skillsUSA folks and then later saturday night, i met her mom who was arriving at logan and her brother who was picking her up. i went back to springfield with them and spent the day bbqing and relaxing by their pool with her, nelson, nelson brother joel, and k-sans family. it was an excellent afternoon. i will post some pictures of that later on when i upload a camerafull to my computer.
i also managed to fit a trek out to framingham in to see jennifer weiner read.. i'd only read one of her books before, but i loved her style.. her reading was really fantastic too.
the monday after that, i picked up the invitations from the printer. i've had great reviews of them, and i think they came out beautifully. like many other details of this wedding, i am completely in love. in the past 10 or so days, i've sent out the invitations and received the cake cutters, the girls gifts, the favor boxes, stickers, and ribbon in the mail. i'm really excited about the favors... they will fit the camp atmosphere perfectly.
i've booked the dj AND have an appointment to visit the caterer next week. it looks as if we will be having more southern traditional food than northern.. i just pray that steve doens't turn into the bbq snob i know he can be. anything bbq that is not to his specifications is dubbed "yankee bbq" and that is usually that.
tuesday,i sent out the invitations!!! after the post office, rain and i ventured down to mashpee to visit suzi at her cape house.. the weather was total crap, but we had such a wonderful time. we went to the beach and i am absolutely envious of the warm water the cape has. while nahant beach is gorgous.. it's freezing!
after tuesday, everything slowed down. it was nice to sit still and relax. i spent alot of time with steve which was really nice. most of the time we are zipping in different directions him playing games and me off to do artsy things.
the rest of the week was spent working on the house and trying to get all orgnaized. so far, there is still quite a bit to do.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
i started this blog at work.. and am now finishing it at 2:30 in the AM. i am set to drive to camp tomorrow morning.
tonight i had a wonderful time. nicole met me at work and we went out to dinner. the day itself was extremely taxing thanks to denise and her snide stupidity. when nicole showed up at 8pm it was a godsent. we went to the middle east for dinner and played a very enjoyable game of "there's your boyfriend". the wide array of people in central square make this game amazingly hilarious. after dinner, we headed around the corner to tt the bears place to see bleu. he lives in LA now and is hardly around.. which is very depressing, musically at least. of course he didn't dissapoint. nicole had never seen him play before and once he started she totally fell in love (and for all of you who haven't downloaded his CD yet.. get moving!). he gets the crowd involved and by the end of his set you end up so charged up.. it's a bit magical. i also picked up the physical copy of his cd.. it's really amazing.
shameless plug: GO BUY BLEU'S CD!!!
one of the songs bleu played will definitely be played at the wedding.. the lyrics are so similar to steve and i's relationship and meeting it's almost eerie. these are the lyrics:
"boy meets girl"
i've got a tune for the bride and the groom and how they got to here
it starts out with a boy and a girl who met in senior year
she hung in with the outside crowd while he disapeared
but the square and the rebel fit together like the trebel and the bass in their ears
it's like twisted sister meets mr. mister
it's like a rolling thunder meets a careless whisper
it's like jesus jones and the rolling stones and a game of twister
it's like boy meets girl.
he went to boston and got a little lost in a frozen stare
she looked at him with an LA smile and wondered if he cared
he said, someday when the polaroids fade and we cut our hair
we'll look back and laugh because the queen and the jack made a perfect pair
it's like twisted sister meets mr. mister
it's like a rolling thunder meets a careless whisper
it's like jesus jones and the rolling stones and a game of twister
it's like boy meets girl.
its very late. i should have just finished this at the end of the weekend once i come home from camp.. but that wouldn't really work out because then i would be even farther behind on the blogging.
i am headed to camp this morning for camp bonnie braes 90th anniversary. it's the oldest camp in the USA. *swoon*
yes.. i am running away to camp... be back monday.
it has been a busy week... or well 10 days since i've posted. alot has happened since then. i feel like i've been pingponging back and forth across massachusetts like crazy.
recently i've been in a bit of a funk. my best friend has left for army boot camp. she left on wednesday.. and just knowing that she isn't available to chat or to drop in on is getting me down. i'm thrilled to death and excited as hell that nichele, rain, crystal and amber are going to be by my side, but i will definitely feel her absence that day.
the real kicker.. she finishes boot camp THE TUESDAY AFTER I GET MARRIED. so upsetting.
i miss her, and i know she is doing a great thing. it's all very difficult to process.
in honor of her leaving, i spent most of last weekend with her. i had lunch with some of the skillsUSA folks and then later saturday night, i met her mom who was arriving at logan and her brother who was picking her up. i went back to springfield with them and spent the day bbqing and relaxing by their pool with her, nelson, nelson brother joel, and k-sans family. it was an excellent afternoon. i will post some pictures of that later on when i upload a camerafull to my computer.
i also managed to fit a trek out to framingham in to see jennifer weiner read.. i'd only read one of her books before, but i loved her style.. her reading was really fantastic too.
the monday after that, i picked up the invitations from the printer. i've had great reviews of them, and i think they came out beautifully. like many other details of this wedding, i am completely in love. in the past 10 or so days, i've sent out the invitations and received the cake cutters, the girls gifts, the favor boxes, stickers, and ribbon in the mail. i'm really excited about the favors... they will fit the camp atmosphere perfectly.
i've booked the dj AND have an appointment to visit the caterer next week. it looks as if we will be having more southern traditional food than northern.. i just pray that steve doens't turn into the bbq snob i know he can be. anything bbq that is not to his specifications is dubbed "yankee bbq" and that is usually that.
tuesday,i sent out the invitations!!! after the post office, rain and i ventured down to mashpee to visit suzi at her cape house.. the weather was total crap, but we had such a wonderful time. we went to the beach and i am absolutely envious of the warm water the cape has. while nahant beach is gorgous.. it's freezing!
after tuesday, everything slowed down. it was nice to sit still and relax. i spent alot of time with steve which was really nice. most of the time we are zipping in different directions him playing games and me off to do artsy things.
the rest of the week was spent working on the house and trying to get all orgnaized. so far, there is still quite a bit to do.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
i started this blog at work.. and am now finishing it at 2:30 in the AM. i am set to drive to camp tomorrow morning.
tonight i had a wonderful time. nicole met me at work and we went out to dinner. the day itself was extremely taxing thanks to denise and her snide stupidity. when nicole showed up at 8pm it was a godsent. we went to the middle east for dinner and played a very enjoyable game of "there's your boyfriend". the wide array of people in central square make this game amazingly hilarious. after dinner, we headed around the corner to tt the bears place to see bleu. he lives in LA now and is hardly around.. which is very depressing, musically at least. of course he didn't dissapoint. nicole had never seen him play before and once he started she totally fell in love (and for all of you who haven't downloaded his CD yet.. get moving!). he gets the crowd involved and by the end of his set you end up so charged up.. it's a bit magical. i also picked up the physical copy of his cd.. it's really amazing.
shameless plug: GO BUY BLEU'S CD!!!
one of the songs bleu played will definitely be played at the wedding.. the lyrics are so similar to steve and i's relationship and meeting it's almost eerie. these are the lyrics:
"boy meets girl"
i've got a tune for the bride and the groom and how they got to here
it starts out with a boy and a girl who met in senior year
she hung in with the outside crowd while he disapeared
but the square and the rebel fit together like the trebel and the bass in their ears
it's like twisted sister meets mr. mister
it's like a rolling thunder meets a careless whisper
it's like jesus jones and the rolling stones and a game of twister
it's like boy meets girl.
he went to boston and got a little lost in a frozen stare
she looked at him with an LA smile and wondered if he cared
he said, someday when the polaroids fade and we cut our hair
we'll look back and laugh because the queen and the jack made a perfect pair
it's like twisted sister meets mr. mister
it's like a rolling thunder meets a careless whisper
it's like jesus jones and the rolling stones and a game of twister
it's like boy meets girl.
its very late. i should have just finished this at the end of the weekend once i come home from camp.. but that wouldn't really work out because then i would be even farther behind on the blogging.
i am headed to camp this morning for camp bonnie braes 90th anniversary. it's the oldest camp in the USA. *swoon*
yes.. i am running away to camp... be back monday.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
7 days later..
it seems like my goal of updating every day has fallen through the cracks. it sucks yes... but the good news in all of this is that i am getting a heck of alot of stuff done. my goal for today is to finish the invites COMPLETELY and send them to the printer.... not to mention changing the RSVP dates... *sigh*
my house project is coming along swimmingly.. my only problem is trying to get steve on board. he's very scattered, although he will claim that i am the messy one. i call BS. i'm no angel in the clutter department, but what happens when you put two serial clutterbugs in a house and then leave them alone for, oh, say 3+ years is that you have a great big mess on your hands. what made it even worse, is that diane, affectionately referred to as "bitch", left so much stuff behind in the house that i STILL to this day haven't been able to get rid of it all. yes. still. it's very aggravating.
i am hoping to have a yard sale sometime in the next couple of weeks. getting organized to those proportions may not be doable, but i'm going to give it a shot.
i like to think that a large part of my motivation comes from the music i've been listening to. i recently found my lily allen album hidden away on my computer. it's one of the things i simply forgot to reload after the great itunes crash. today i also downloaded bleu's new album "a watched pot". yes, it's a shameless plug, but his music is friggin amazing and it's been SO long since he's put out an album.. go buy it. you'll love it.
cirrus continues to grow quickly. she (and she is a she i recently discovered) has started to get bold like her mama. when cumulus comes to the edge to do her leap into my arms, cirrus now follows. she hasn't made the leap yet, but i think she is getting close. she also recently started eating solids. she loves the yogurt dandelion drops just like her mom. she sometimes nibbles on the craisins, but definitely prefers the yogurt. she's so cute and wonderful to cuddle.
well.. more updates later.. but in the meantime.. go download bleu. you'll love it.
my house project is coming along swimmingly.. my only problem is trying to get steve on board. he's very scattered, although he will claim that i am the messy one. i call BS. i'm no angel in the clutter department, but what happens when you put two serial clutterbugs in a house and then leave them alone for, oh, say 3+ years is that you have a great big mess on your hands. what made it even worse, is that diane, affectionately referred to as "bitch", left so much stuff behind in the house that i STILL to this day haven't been able to get rid of it all. yes. still. it's very aggravating.
i am hoping to have a yard sale sometime in the next couple of weeks. getting organized to those proportions may not be doable, but i'm going to give it a shot.
i like to think that a large part of my motivation comes from the music i've been listening to. i recently found my lily allen album hidden away on my computer. it's one of the things i simply forgot to reload after the great itunes crash. today i also downloaded bleu's new album "a watched pot". yes, it's a shameless plug, but his music is friggin amazing and it's been SO long since he's put out an album.. go buy it. you'll love it.
cirrus continues to grow quickly. she (and she is a she i recently discovered) has started to get bold like her mama. when cumulus comes to the edge to do her leap into my arms, cirrus now follows. she hasn't made the leap yet, but i think she is getting close. she also recently started eating solids. she loves the yogurt dandelion drops just like her mom. she sometimes nibbles on the craisins, but definitely prefers the yogurt. she's so cute and wonderful to cuddle.
well.. more updates later.. but in the meantime.. go download bleu. you'll love it.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
In the name of art
something I'm not terribly fond of but am taking on to make myself
draw. I'm currently sitting at the diesel cafe drawing my plate, sans
brownie :) It's glass and metal which means it is incredibly hard to
draw.
I've been drawing now for about an hour... My view is not as starkly
contrasted as the photo of the plate would lead you to believe. Not
even close to being finished.
cirrus sprouts!
little cirrus is growing like a weed. she (at least thats what i'm going to assume for now) has nearly tripled in size and has seemingly boundless energy. i've also noticed that she is the most vocal kit i've ever seen. she is constantly calling to cumulus and imitating sylvesters calls. it's really pretty amazing.
the one picture that isn't fuzzy. it's impossible to get her to sit still!
catching all 3 in one shot.. pure luck. cumulus in the foreground, sylvester in the back, and cirrus to the right.
life in general otherwise has been very quiet, but very busy all at the same time. i've been a bit overwhelmed by all of the wedding stuff there still is to do, and trying to get our house squared away.. it's a bit dizzying.
again.. more updates coming soon.
the one picture that isn't fuzzy. it's impossible to get her to sit still!
catching all 3 in one shot.. pure luck. cumulus in the foreground, sylvester in the back, and cirrus to the right.
life in general otherwise has been very quiet, but very busy all at the same time. i've been a bit overwhelmed by all of the wedding stuff there still is to do, and trying to get our house squared away.. it's a bit dizzying.
again.. more updates coming soon.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
monsoon season
apparently, it is monsoon season in new england. i swear, the humidity is ridiculous. if it was warm like it's supposed to be here in MA and we had the rain we're having now... most people would probably be nested snuggly in front of their AC's not to be seen until it had cleared... maybe that's just me. the humidity is so nuts up here that the ancient unfinished floors in my apartment look like they are wet.. showing decades of spills and messes that you can't see when it's dry. sort of like when you assume you've gotten a stain out of a white shirt... then you go under a blacklight and there it is! besides that, all of my paperback books that aren't sandwiched on shelves are starting to curl their covers and when i paint.. nothing ever really fully dries.
i'm really pretty much over it. i'm ready to go to the beach and to go kayaking... painting on boston common and roaming around downtown. this is my plea rain... please go away.
other than hiding out from the rain.. i've continued to re-organize the house.. something i've been doing now for about 3 weeks. yesterday i pretty much turned our bedroom upside down and pulled out every piece of clothing we owned. if it didn't fit, into a donation bag it went. if it did, it was properly organized into its proper drawer space.. turns out.. we still don't have enough room for all our clothes!
see how exciting life has been?
my next project is books... then my art cabinet.. (the studio is finished), then more kitchen.. then.. i might be done. then it would be about maintaining my messy ways. (steve too).
in other interesting news.. i may have a job to show up at soon... a friend asked me if i would be interested in being a department supervisor, and honestly.. i could stand to have a regular schedule. the cool thing is that it's an artsy place so i would still be able to freelance.. i'd just be out of the house more often. might be nice.
in other fantastic news.. i get to see one of my favorite belgians soon. i recently got chat beeped by lech, one of the foreigners to stay at my apartment in cambridge for the last TSD shows.. it was lech, and also jeroen and stefanie that stayed.. i recently also reconnected with jeroen on FB.. its so ridiculously wonderful to hear from them. i absolutely cannot wait to see lech and introduce him to stephen. (i'll make sure to say hi for you aunt trudy!!)
well... enough excitement for now... back to work!
i'm really pretty much over it. i'm ready to go to the beach and to go kayaking... painting on boston common and roaming around downtown. this is my plea rain... please go away.
other than hiding out from the rain.. i've continued to re-organize the house.. something i've been doing now for about 3 weeks. yesterday i pretty much turned our bedroom upside down and pulled out every piece of clothing we owned. if it didn't fit, into a donation bag it went. if it did, it was properly organized into its proper drawer space.. turns out.. we still don't have enough room for all our clothes!
see how exciting life has been?
my next project is books... then my art cabinet.. (the studio is finished), then more kitchen.. then.. i might be done. then it would be about maintaining my messy ways. (steve too).
in other interesting news.. i may have a job to show up at soon... a friend asked me if i would be interested in being a department supervisor, and honestly.. i could stand to have a regular schedule. the cool thing is that it's an artsy place so i would still be able to freelance.. i'd just be out of the house more often. might be nice.
in other fantastic news.. i get to see one of my favorite belgians soon. i recently got chat beeped by lech, one of the foreigners to stay at my apartment in cambridge for the last TSD shows.. it was lech, and also jeroen and stefanie that stayed.. i recently also reconnected with jeroen on FB.. its so ridiculously wonderful to hear from them. i absolutely cannot wait to see lech and introduce him to stephen. (i'll make sure to say hi for you aunt trudy!!)
well... enough excitement for now... back to work!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Shiny!!
think it's pretty crazy what some places charge to use a hose and some
soap, plus, I just don't think about washing it when I barely drive it
out here. I have enough to deal with just trying to keep the inside of
it in order let alone worry about what's going on with the outside.
While at my moms, I decided to take advantage of the driveway and the
hose and give it a good scrubbing. I bought a bucket, some degreaser
for the wheels, some plain dishsoap, and a couple of carwash mits and
and set to work. I decided to let the little boy that lives at my moms
(he's 5) "help" me. Thus, the reason I bought 2 mits. He had a good
tim being out in the sunshine and playing with water, and I ended up
with a clean car. I had almost forgotten that the rims were actually
silver and not gold.... Ha!! I also used our front lawn to pull
everything out ofyhe car, get rid of trash, and reorganize it in the
car.
Amazing.
Later that evening, I stopped to say hello to my aunt Trudy, uncle
Tom, and grammy where I noticed that my car did look particularly
shiny. So I snapped a picture of her. On the way home I also stopped
at golden nozzel and decided to take advantage of the vacuums. I also
can't remember the last time I did that. It's nice to have a squeeky
clean car.
I have no earthly clue what type of emotional wreck I'm going to be
when this car finally kicks the bucket.
The real kicker.. When I got back to Boston, it was raining.
Monday, June 22, 2009
washie washie..
today is one of my favorite days.... the day i wash my sheets. i found an amazing scent by tide (i think?) .. it's lemon verbena and chamomile, and its absolute heaven. it also comes in liquid downy and fabric sheets.. i have them all. when i finish my laundry, i usually just want to go right home and dutch oven myself in the scent (much better than other types of dutch ovens).
life is really this boring this week if i'm blogging about my laundry habits.
this weekend was great and quiet at the same time. amber came down to visit ben and i... we ended up going to ikea. this would be my second trip in a week. i have an ikea substance abuse problem. i ended up getting more things that went towards my whole home improvement work... a new little lamp for my kitchen (the one thats there makes me nervous about possibly burning the house down), a micorwave food cover (so i don't have to worry about cleaning it as much), more throw pillows for my studio, and a bunch of other odds and ends.
amber also spent some time photo-loving on my bunny hassen.. here are some shots of her. she's now fully grown.. and she has some chins. she is hovering right around the 20lbs mark.
she's THE ABSOLUTE MOST sweetest rabbit i've ever known. her personality is giant... just like she is. she loves to cuddle and will nudge you pretty hard if you're not rubbing her face while you're cuddling with her. as you can see, she likes to hide under pillows... she loves watermelon and of course carrots. and i still just really can't get over just how enormous and gentle she really is. i don't think i will ever try a different breed of rabbit again because the flemish giants are just so amazing and funny.
this week looks to be kind of quiet. i was supposed to be working with a family all week... but due to some unsettling circumstances for them... i won't be. i will most likely spend my time hanging out with nicole (bubbles), and continuing my storage purge. it may seem like a long time to have this project going on, but believe it or not in addition to all the crap i have, i am STILL sorting through alot of the stuff diane left behind. it's unbelieveable. i just keep thinking that sometime in the next couple of years, we will be buying a home of our own and then we're going to be in hell having to sort through all of it then. my goal is to save us that hassle by just absolutely being cut throat about getting rid of it all.
for me... it's a rough process.
more this week... and maybe even pictures of my organizational progress.
life is really this boring this week if i'm blogging about my laundry habits.
this weekend was great and quiet at the same time. amber came down to visit ben and i... we ended up going to ikea. this would be my second trip in a week. i have an ikea substance abuse problem. i ended up getting more things that went towards my whole home improvement work... a new little lamp for my kitchen (the one thats there makes me nervous about possibly burning the house down), a micorwave food cover (so i don't have to worry about cleaning it as much), more throw pillows for my studio, and a bunch of other odds and ends.
amber also spent some time photo-loving on my bunny hassen.. here are some shots of her. she's now fully grown.. and she has some chins. she is hovering right around the 20lbs mark.
she's THE ABSOLUTE MOST sweetest rabbit i've ever known. her personality is giant... just like she is. she loves to cuddle and will nudge you pretty hard if you're not rubbing her face while you're cuddling with her. as you can see, she likes to hide under pillows... she loves watermelon and of course carrots. and i still just really can't get over just how enormous and gentle she really is. i don't think i will ever try a different breed of rabbit again because the flemish giants are just so amazing and funny.
this week looks to be kind of quiet. i was supposed to be working with a family all week... but due to some unsettling circumstances for them... i won't be. i will most likely spend my time hanging out with nicole (bubbles), and continuing my storage purge. it may seem like a long time to have this project going on, but believe it or not in addition to all the crap i have, i am STILL sorting through alot of the stuff diane left behind. it's unbelieveable. i just keep thinking that sometime in the next couple of years, we will be buying a home of our own and then we're going to be in hell having to sort through all of it then. my goal is to save us that hassle by just absolutely being cut throat about getting rid of it all.
for me... it's a rough process.
more this week... and maybe even pictures of my organizational progress.
Friday, June 19, 2009
baby cirrus
so, i had originally planned to post this picture AND a blog earlier in the week... but somehow that didn't happen because life got very busy.
this week my chinchilla, cumulus, had a baby. she is white and very fluffy... and so is her baby. so i named it cirrus. to avoid calling cirrus an "it" i typically refer to all fluffy baby creatures as "she" until i discover otherwise. she.. is cute as the dickens. i think the thing that really gets me is that baby chins are born with fur.. so they look like itty bitty versions of adult chinchillas... right down to their curly little tails. mom is super cool about letting me pick her up too. my chinchillas are friggin awesome.
besides all of the chinchilla hullabaloo.. i've just been incredibly busy. i assume come september, people that come out to the berkshires from other places in the country may want to take a day trip to boston... which means there might be houseguests when we aren't here. i'm basically trying to organize, purge, and complete house projects that i've been working on for a year+. so far, i'm getting close to having enough stuff to have a yard sale (anything left over will NOT be schlepped back into the house.. but donated to a charity)... not to mention the fact that my kitchen is finally completely painted, and there are new curtains in the kitchen, front hall, and the reading room.. i've also completed 10 throw pillows for the reading room, and 4 for my studio. speaking of my studio, i've also done a complete overhaul on that as well.. i got rid of the bed and replaced it with a futon, and i adopted a shelf set from ash that has completely solved all of my issues with storage. now it's more like a functional space where i can putter around and space out in while taking breaks from painting instead of just a space with a bed and a desk. i'm hoping to have my twin sized bed (my childhood bed) built and put together in steve's mancave.. so that is also a functional space.. instead of a room that looks like a tornado of man stuff went through it.
like i said.. it's been a busy week.
this next week will be spent nannying with annie and traver in cambridge.
more to come soon.
Monday, June 15, 2009
garden re-organization
so, my landlord can sometimes be fabulous, and somtimes she can be a complete witch. i had previously set planters with lots of delicious smelling herbs on the ledge and stairs of our porch.. last friday, we received a note asking us to move them to the back porch. this was kind of a problem because the back porch is too small to sit out there and enjoy them, not to mention in the summer it becomes a hot house. so i wrote her a note back, asking if we could just put the plants on a table instead. turns out... this was fine. i ended up picking up some patio tables from target, and decided to throw in a chair so it was actually "sit" convienient.
i had an extremely wonderful sunday... and will blog about it later.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
my view
crocs) and am relaxing in the back of big house at CBB. The dad
weekend is over and almost everyone is gone.... Now we're just waiting
for the open house to start.
After all of this, we have a stop in Chicopee :) and then back home to
Boston.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
A rough day
in to pearl art and say helloooo to bobby. Just as I got to the door
krissy called saying she had good news and bad news. I kind of already
knew what the news was, but totally didn't want to hear it. She is
leaving for the army in late July and will not be there in September.
I am beyond ridiculously thrilled that I will have nichele, amber and
rain by my side, but crushed that she can't be. It's hard to think
about not having my very first best friend there to hand me stephen's
ring. Yet, at the same time I am so happy for her that she knows what
she wants and is going after it with gusto. I might even use the word
"proud" if it weren't so silly for a BFF to say something like that. I
guess I just didn't expect her news to have the impact on me that it
did.
So, she told me this as I as walking into an art store, not only did i
start crying right in front of bobby, but I ended up spending $50 in
unplanned cash on art supplies. (I'm an emotional buyer, I was in the
wrong place at the wrong time) thank goodness bobby is a good hugger
and an understanding guy. I was a mess.
I ended up going back to work and I couldn't think strait for the rest
of the day, and I was crying and blubbering on an off for hours. Even
now, just thinking about it to blog about it is making me all teary-
eyed.
After work ms. Bubs showed up at my house, we ordered dinner and
watched whale wars with Steve and then promptly (meaning 11pm or so)
got on the road to bonnie brae where it's now about 2am and I'm
snuggled up in a bed in the woods. It's completely quiet, except for
the faint keyboard tapping sound in my headphones. It's also
completely quiet and dark and peaceful. The air is crisp and fresh and
I've decided it's going to be a good weekend with the dad and daughter
group that's coming this weekend.
This picture was taken in the art store as I was walking in the door.
It completely fit my mood.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Urban BBQ
landlords with large gardens don't always help make that easy to
enjoy. However, Kingston does. While Steve and I were roaming around
home depot looking for screwdrivers and a watering can, we found that
Kingston makes a tiny tabletop charcoal grill that we speculated would
work perfectly on our front stoop.
Turns out, we were right. Tonight we enjoyed hamburgers, hotdogs,
shrimp, and corn (lots of leftovers LOL). Steve decided to surprise me
with our equivalent of beer... mikes hard lemonade. We sat on the
steps enjoying dinner, sipping lemonade, and chatting about the day.
In addition to the charcoal, we also picked up some mesquite woodchips
to see if we could add some flavor... the hamburgers and shrimp had
this AMAZING woody flavor.
All in all, it was the perfect dinner.
suddenly i see....
i have new glasses... again. this is the first time since i think, age 13 or so, that i've had a pair of glasses that have nose pads on them. all of my other glasses have always been the hard plastic artsy ones. these are artsy too, except they are metal. i absolutely love the fushia/eggplant purple, but i think my favorite part of them is the odd shapes and cutouts in them. it's also odd, but i see differently out of them. my prescription hasn't really changed, but having them up off my nose makes them a little different vision wise. it's going to take some used to especially since i switch back and forth so frequently.
this week i've also been going through the healing process. last sunday, i had the tattoos on my shoulders completely re-colored. through the years, they've always been kind of a work in progress, and since they were done in pieces all along the way, some of the colors had faded. this was mostly a concern because every time i mentioned getting married, someone would ask "are you going to cover up your tattoos?". the answer was always "yeah, i just need to find a cardigan, shrug, or shawl of some sort." THEN i would get various opinions almost all of them had the phrase "but they're a part of you... why cover them up". so, i decided i'm not going to cover em up. it's true afterall, they are a part of me (a very colorful part) and they do mean alot to me.. so.. i decided that if i'm going to be all fancified.. then i should make sure they match, and that hey were as vibrant and fresh as possible.
since i've had so much work done on them over the years.. it was painful. painful, yet strangely relaxing.
then end result:
it's usually the healing process i dread the most.. it's also the same process that sends me back to the chair. every. friggin. time. this is mostly because i am what the tattoo world calls "a poor healer". good for normal cuts and scrapes, but terrible for tattoos. if your body creates alot of plasma and whatnot, then you form more scab material.. if that gets knocked off (when you're sleeping and rolling around, by clothing, or the shower) then your body creates alot more and pigment gets drawn out every time this happens.
the old idea was that you were supposed to just let this happen then go back for touchups or you may create scar material and then your tattoo looks like it's been embossed onto your skin instead of being a tattoo. according to bob (one of my many arteests) darkwave is now recomending the "wet heal" if you're a poor healer. instead of letting all that buildup form. you hop in the shower or use a warm washcloth 4 or 5 times a day to soak everything off and keep it as smooth as possible and use an insanely strong moisturizer. (aquaphor) i did this. i went to bed that night, expecting to find copies of myself in plasma all over my sheets. i found nothing. it was shocking. a week later i'm usually super sore and itchy. i'm a little itchy, but i've already gone through the weird flaky looking leper stage and now i'm just a little itchy.. but as soon as i apply the aveeno, it's perfection.
the healing process was accelerated and much less uncomfortable. i do believe that from here on out, the wet heal will be the way i go.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Weird things
into them and make trouble.
hopes and dreams in gritty spaces
warehouse just north of Boston in Lawrence. Today Rain and I came up
here to help Ash move out if and clean the space. When I shot with him
last week it was in his new studio located in his apartment up in
Malden.
I had never been to Lawrence with him, and when I arrived I kind of
fell in love with this space. It's the kind of space that I've always
wanted to live in... big and lofty with industrial type windows, old
distressed floors, and super high ceilings.
Someday, I want to either create a space like this where I live, or
buy an old commercial type building and turn it into a unique home
with lots of space for a studio of my own and office space for Stephen
to practice law in as well as lots of open lofty living space for both
of us.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Hancock tower.
weston hotel with a group of kids who's parent are at the harvard
business school reunion.
I've been trying to blog all week about the tattooing trip and the
healing process. Maybe tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Everythings still alive!!!
strong. More blogging later tonight.
Mint and the oregano/thyme/cilantro pots :)
Sunday, May 24, 2009
1/4
coloring to do. Owowowowow!!!
From beneath the needles
in and on shoulder #2. Bob says we're almost done... Thank goodness!!!
I'm up here at lightwave having both of my shoulders re-touched so I
am photographically prepared come September. It hurts like a bitch,
and blogging about it is keeping my mind off it all.
This is an extreme close up, this is 7 needles in my shoulder at the
same time. Hardcore, yeah?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
frank warrens commencement speech
a few years ago, i found a site called postsecret.com. it's an ongoing art project that one man named frank warren started. the moment i learned about it and the premise behind it, i was hooked. to describe the project, i will quote the description from the site.
"PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard."
in addition to the site, frank has 4 books out, with a 5th on the way. i've sent in secrets... one of them even made it into one of the books. (which secret and which book... i'll never tell it IS a secret after all) i was able to get the first book signed in washington DC around christmastime when frank had a show. we were down there visiting steves mom and decided to go see the show. it was great. i think i might have even blogged about this before...? while back?
i am excited about the 5th book. i can't wait to pick it up.
frank recently gave a speech at st. mary's college in MD. 1. i think his speech was wonderful and 2. that is stephens alma matter.
franks speech
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twenty years ago, I was sitting among a sea of white folding chairs, just like you are today. I was graduating with my friends from UC Berkeley. I can’t recall who the commencement speaker was that day, or what he or she said. So, in some ways -- even though this is the first commencement address I have delivered -- I feel very little pressure. But in other ways I feel unprepared and undeserving of this great honor you have given me.
Five years ago I started collecting secrets for an art project I call PostSecret. I invited strangers to write their secrets on postcards and mail them to me, anonymously. Today, I still get about 1,000 every week from all over the world and share them with people on the web and in five PostSecret books.
These secrets can tell a funny story, expose a sexual taboo, describe someone’s most humiliating experience or reveal hidden acts of kindness. Each secret is unique just like a fingerprint. But collectively they remind us how connected we all are with friends, and strangers, and how precious those relationships can be.
From the nearly half-million postcards that have been mailed to me, I brought one example to read to you. This is a postcard that I carry with me every time I travel to talk about PostSecret. Like so many of the secrets, if you truly open yourself up to them at the core there is a kernel of experience or wisdom that we can learn from. This secret reminds me to always treat the people I meet during my frequent travels with the kindness and respect that we all deserve. And once I read you this secret I think you will understand why.
My home address is on the back of the card along with a stamp and a cancelation mark, this postcard was mailed from Seattle Washington. On the front are six RUSH stickers from an airport baggage handler. The secret reads: You called me an idiot so I sent your bags to the wrong destination. WHOOPS, I guess you were right.
In the same spirit as PostSecret, a month ago, I asked each member of your 2009 Class to write down a brief message on a postcard. I didn’t ask for a secret. I asked instead for a response to the following question: What do my classmates, and I, need to hear on Graduation Day?
I did not know what to expect by tapping into your collective wisdom, but I was soon thrilled by the insight, humor, and inspiration I felt in your earnest one-sentence commencement speeches. Here are just a few.
Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.
It’s okay to fail – learn from it and you will succeed.
It’s better to be pissed-off than pissed-on.
These next three all offer solid advice about making the transition from St Mary’s to the real world.
With the increased prevalence of multi-drug resistant bacteria and the increasingly epidemic worldwide outbreak of swine flu, WASH YOUR HANDS . . . RELIGIOUSLY.
In the real world, you must wear shoes.
I know some of us are going to walk off this stage today with no idea about what comes next – embrace it, find something that makes you happy, and follow it wherever it leads.
These last two thoughts mention a part of the St. Mary’s experience that several students wrote about -- The St. Mary’s River.
Perfection is something that everyone strives for, yet no one achieves; let the memory of the perfect sunrise over The St. Mary’s River drive your inspirations when you doubt your abilities in the future.
Regardless of where the future takes us, we will still all have one commonality; the river and our time together here.
This final inspirational thought came with a little back-story that I would like to include.
So, I thought of this as I was getting breakfast at 8:30 this morning, after pulling an all-nighter. Yes, an all-nighter on the last night before the last day of classes ever in my undergraduate career. And then, parenthetically, I am still not done with my work, by the way; but I wanted to stop and write this . . .
. . . I might be over the all-nighters in Baltimore Hall, the shower shoes, the no-soap-or-paper-towels-in-the-dispenser, and even the annoying Great Room hours of St. Mary’s College of Maryland; but I will never – EVER be over how each of those circumstances, at this fine institution, allowed me to meet the most fascinating and awesome people I have ever met in my life; I am humbled to call them friends!
I really hope that person was able to finish up and be here. Are you out there? If you are please stand so we can recognize you. [Enthusiastic Applause]
About 100 days ago I visited your special campus for the first time. I had a chance to appreciate the surroundings, the woods, The St. Mary’s River. And I got to know students, professors and staff. During that visit, I asked students if they had a favorite secret they had seen on the PostSecret website. One young woman recalled a secret that she had seen last year. It read: My friend believes they will change the world, and I believe them. She pointed out the classmate she was thinking of. I have forgotten the student’s name, but I believe they are here, right now, sitting in a white chair.
My talk is almost over but before I close, I want to confess one of my secrets. It’s not a happy secret and I have never said it out loud before. . .I have lost contact with all of my college friends from Berkeley.
In all the excitement of this special day, I hope you will not overlook the lasting value of the people you have shared this meaningful journey with. The friends, who decades from now will remember your face and character just as clearly as The St. Mary’s River.
Don’t wait another minute to ask your classmate, professor or campus staff member for that email address, telephone number, or if you are old school like me -- mailing address.
Twenty years from today, you probably won’t remember who your commencement speaker was or what he or she said. But I pray that each of you will never lose the important relationships formed in this extraordinary place with the old friends and new, who believe in you, and surround you, now -- in white folding chairs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i thought his speech was amazingly inspirational, i hope you do too.
"PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard."
in addition to the site, frank has 4 books out, with a 5th on the way. i've sent in secrets... one of them even made it into one of the books. (which secret and which book... i'll never tell it IS a secret after all) i was able to get the first book signed in washington DC around christmastime when frank had a show. we were down there visiting steves mom and decided to go see the show. it was great. i think i might have even blogged about this before...? while back?
i am excited about the 5th book. i can't wait to pick it up.
frank recently gave a speech at st. mary's college in MD. 1. i think his speech was wonderful and 2. that is stephens alma matter.
franks speech
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twenty years ago, I was sitting among a sea of white folding chairs, just like you are today. I was graduating with my friends from UC Berkeley. I can’t recall who the commencement speaker was that day, or what he or she said. So, in some ways -- even though this is the first commencement address I have delivered -- I feel very little pressure. But in other ways I feel unprepared and undeserving of this great honor you have given me.
Five years ago I started collecting secrets for an art project I call PostSecret. I invited strangers to write their secrets on postcards and mail them to me, anonymously. Today, I still get about 1,000 every week from all over the world and share them with people on the web and in five PostSecret books.
These secrets can tell a funny story, expose a sexual taboo, describe someone’s most humiliating experience or reveal hidden acts of kindness. Each secret is unique just like a fingerprint. But collectively they remind us how connected we all are with friends, and strangers, and how precious those relationships can be.
From the nearly half-million postcards that have been mailed to me, I brought one example to read to you. This is a postcard that I carry with me every time I travel to talk about PostSecret. Like so many of the secrets, if you truly open yourself up to them at the core there is a kernel of experience or wisdom that we can learn from. This secret reminds me to always treat the people I meet during my frequent travels with the kindness and respect that we all deserve. And once I read you this secret I think you will understand why.
My home address is on the back of the card along with a stamp and a cancelation mark, this postcard was mailed from Seattle Washington. On the front are six RUSH stickers from an airport baggage handler. The secret reads: You called me an idiot so I sent your bags to the wrong destination. WHOOPS, I guess you were right.
In the same spirit as PostSecret, a month ago, I asked each member of your 2009 Class to write down a brief message on a postcard. I didn’t ask for a secret. I asked instead for a response to the following question: What do my classmates, and I, need to hear on Graduation Day?
I did not know what to expect by tapping into your collective wisdom, but I was soon thrilled by the insight, humor, and inspiration I felt in your earnest one-sentence commencement speeches. Here are just a few.
Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.
It’s okay to fail – learn from it and you will succeed.
It’s better to be pissed-off than pissed-on.
These next three all offer solid advice about making the transition from St Mary’s to the real world.
With the increased prevalence of multi-drug resistant bacteria and the increasingly epidemic worldwide outbreak of swine flu, WASH YOUR HANDS . . . RELIGIOUSLY.
In the real world, you must wear shoes.
I know some of us are going to walk off this stage today with no idea about what comes next – embrace it, find something that makes you happy, and follow it wherever it leads.
These last two thoughts mention a part of the St. Mary’s experience that several students wrote about -- The St. Mary’s River.
Perfection is something that everyone strives for, yet no one achieves; let the memory of the perfect sunrise over The St. Mary’s River drive your inspirations when you doubt your abilities in the future.
Regardless of where the future takes us, we will still all have one commonality; the river and our time together here.
This final inspirational thought came with a little back-story that I would like to include.
So, I thought of this as I was getting breakfast at 8:30 this morning, after pulling an all-nighter. Yes, an all-nighter on the last night before the last day of classes ever in my undergraduate career. And then, parenthetically, I am still not done with my work, by the way; but I wanted to stop and write this . . .
. . . I might be over the all-nighters in Baltimore Hall, the shower shoes, the no-soap-or-paper-towels-in-the-dispenser, and even the annoying Great Room hours of St. Mary’s College of Maryland; but I will never – EVER be over how each of those circumstances, at this fine institution, allowed me to meet the most fascinating and awesome people I have ever met in my life; I am humbled to call them friends!
I really hope that person was able to finish up and be here. Are you out there? If you are please stand so we can recognize you. [Enthusiastic Applause]
About 100 days ago I visited your special campus for the first time. I had a chance to appreciate the surroundings, the woods, The St. Mary’s River. And I got to know students, professors and staff. During that visit, I asked students if they had a favorite secret they had seen on the PostSecret website. One young woman recalled a secret that she had seen last year. It read: My friend believes they will change the world, and I believe them. She pointed out the classmate she was thinking of. I have forgotten the student’s name, but I believe they are here, right now, sitting in a white chair.
My talk is almost over but before I close, I want to confess one of my secrets. It’s not a happy secret and I have never said it out loud before. . .I have lost contact with all of my college friends from Berkeley.
In all the excitement of this special day, I hope you will not overlook the lasting value of the people you have shared this meaningful journey with. The friends, who decades from now will remember your face and character just as clearly as The St. Mary’s River.
Don’t wait another minute to ask your classmate, professor or campus staff member for that email address, telephone number, or if you are old school like me -- mailing address.
Twenty years from today, you probably won’t remember who your commencement speaker was or what he or she said. But I pray that each of you will never lose the important relationships formed in this extraordinary place with the old friends and new, who believe in you, and surround you, now -- in white folding chairs.
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i thought his speech was amazingly inspirational, i hope you do too.
Copley square farmers market
roaming over to see if veggies have started up yet but found that they
had more fresh herbs instead. I decided to add to my already existing
garden (still alive!!!) and bough 1 lemon verbena plant and 2
spearmint plants. I was told by a friend that mint is basically a weed
and should grow pretty well. Something hard to kill? Sign me up!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
excitement blogs...
i am friggin jazzed right now... why you ask? because my BFF is almost here!!!!! tomorrow, the plan is to roam the streets of boston window shopping and talking.. two of my favorite things to do with her.
OMGZZZ I'M SO 'CITED!!!!
also, i have to rave about the all veggie lasagne i made. i got the recepie from the new-ish show "cook yourself thin". it's amazing. instead of meat and all that other crap, it's layers of fresh veggies and whole wheat pasta. it gets rid of more than half the calories. i was a bit skeptical, but it was really delish.
bit of sauce in the bottom, noodles, peppers and fresh basil leaves, noodles, sauce, part skim ricotta mixed with spinach, noodles, sauce, fresh oregano and broccoli, noodles, sauce, then top it off with skim mozzarella cheese. bake until golden brown. AMAZING. steve was not so much a fan since he's a carnivore, and he likes alot of spices in the meats. he seems to be the only obstacle about this cooking healthy thing. he always complains that there isn't enough spicy in my cooking.
not only have i further improved my cooking habits, but i went to the gym every day this week. 1 hour on the treadmill... i break it down so that it's about 45 minutes walking at 3mph and 15 minutes of jogging/running at 4.5 mph. since i carry so much extra weight with me, this is all the jogging/running my knees and back can take.. i've tried more, but then ended up full of ibuprophen and in bed for the rest of the day. after the treadmill, i go and do the 30 minute cycle muscle machine thingys. this is also slightly killer, but i'm still going to keep at it. at the end of the workout, i usually feel much more energized than when i started.
next weekend, i belive i have a photo shoot with ash for my pre-bridals. since he his primarily a fetish model.. i agreed to take some.... stranger... shots with him. but hopefully mostly traditional.. my friends are friggin awesome.
woo! k-san is almost heeeeerrrrreeee!!!
OMGZZZ I'M SO 'CITED!!!!
also, i have to rave about the all veggie lasagne i made. i got the recepie from the new-ish show "cook yourself thin". it's amazing. instead of meat and all that other crap, it's layers of fresh veggies and whole wheat pasta. it gets rid of more than half the calories. i was a bit skeptical, but it was really delish.
bit of sauce in the bottom, noodles, peppers and fresh basil leaves, noodles, sauce, part skim ricotta mixed with spinach, noodles, sauce, fresh oregano and broccoli, noodles, sauce, then top it off with skim mozzarella cheese. bake until golden brown. AMAZING. steve was not so much a fan since he's a carnivore, and he likes alot of spices in the meats. he seems to be the only obstacle about this cooking healthy thing. he always complains that there isn't enough spicy in my cooking.
not only have i further improved my cooking habits, but i went to the gym every day this week. 1 hour on the treadmill... i break it down so that it's about 45 minutes walking at 3mph and 15 minutes of jogging/running at 4.5 mph. since i carry so much extra weight with me, this is all the jogging/running my knees and back can take.. i've tried more, but then ended up full of ibuprophen and in bed for the rest of the day. after the treadmill, i go and do the 30 minute cycle muscle machine thingys. this is also slightly killer, but i'm still going to keep at it. at the end of the workout, i usually feel much more energized than when i started.
next weekend, i belive i have a photo shoot with ash for my pre-bridals. since he his primarily a fetish model.. i agreed to take some.... stranger... shots with him. but hopefully mostly traditional.. my friends are friggin awesome.
woo! k-san is almost heeeeerrrrreeee!!!
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