resolutions

no clever names or fancy taglines for this blog.

as i've gotten older... my resolutions have changed. i try to keep most of them.. more important... i try to make them reasonable. i looked back on my myspace blog (where i finally learned not to post anymore) to find my resolutions blog.

here it is... comments on the old resolutions are in red.

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"there’d be no distance that could hold us back..."

"so this is the new year, i have no resolutions." -death cab for cutie

i still listen to this song on new years eve :)

here i am. alone at home on new years eve. steve is in new jersey. erin's family is sick, and it ended up being too far to travel to western MA (thanks petsmart). so i'm here alone with the kitty cats. just as erin said, the news years has snuck up on me once again. although for me this isn't a new occurance. every year it seems like the 31st gets stealthier. i'm never really where i wanted to be in life and i always feel like there is more to be done.

unlike death cab, i do have some resolutions and this year they are more grown up.

1. get healthier. i've already started this (much to steve's protest) by shopping at whole foods and stocking our kitchen with fresh veggies and more organic meats. instead of picking up a bad of chips or cookies, i've switched to fruit and nuts. less processed junk. olive oil or canola instead of vegetable. i'm trying to get steve to join in, but since there is a bit of a higher cost to shopping healthy he likes to gripe about it. i say oh well, and just kind of drag him along with me. he seems to complain less when i visit the antipasto bar for the fancy olives he likes.

another part of this resolution lies in my acutal healthcare. i finally have insurance and it happens to be the insurance that my moms doctor carries. sure, she may be in western MA, but she's put my mom back together so many times and is familiar with our screwy set of genes that the trip is well worth it.

i totally managed to maintain this. i may not have time find fresh veggies for every meal... but if they aren't fresh, then they are frozen... which is still much healthier than canned. meats are also still high quality. i still also resist buying sugary snacks and junk food. although... sometimes during the summer JP licks is too hard to resist :) the only thing i kind of failed at was maintaining my health care. when you lose insurance... that part can get a little tricky.

2. get artsy. sure, one book may be out there for consideration, but it needs to get better. i've gotten a taste for illustration and i want to keep it moving. investing in some artist postcards and a guide about publishers and agents is what i am shooting for. work on getting more shows for my paintings. things like that.

this one was easy. i branched out to etsy and i continue to illustrate and seek out new contracts... i also really want to start trying to create some stories of my own to illustrate. trying to draw at least a little bit every day is important.

3. be a better friend and sister. i am the absolute worst at keeping up with people. i have 4 new sisters and i'm not keeping up! i have kristen, nichele, and eric, who i love dearly and i never call them to tell them so. erin, rain, sara, randi, and many others are so close to where i live... yet i still spend my free time alone. i can't even get into the camp gals. i miss them so much... but i never write or call. it needs to change.

i think i did fairly well with this one. i text them alot... and tlaking to kristen and nichy as much as possible is important to me. i spend as much time with my sisters and text them often.

4. school. work on finding a way to go back again.

still a work in progress. oy.

all in all i think those 4 resolutions are enough to keep me busy. i'm sure i could find more to work on... but then everything would get more complicated, and really. who needs that?

i am looking forward to steve coming home tomorrow. i don't like when he goes away. things feel odd and empty when he's not around.

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looking back on the resolutions i made last year... i can honestly say that i made good all except for one.. which is the school one. while i am still going... it's sporadic and needs to be more consistant.

so.. my resolutions for this year are as follows...

1. continue going to the gym. not specifically to trim down, but to continue the health resolution i made last year. i see the health issues my mom has, and i don't want to go down that road. i want to feel good, i want to have kids, i want to be active and have a long life. i don't want to finish a hike at camp and feel like collapsing. i mean... yes.. i would love to look trimmer... but it's really not the objective at this stage in my life. i just want to have my health.

2. grow as an artist. along with constantly practicing and honing my skills, i want to learn new ones. i want to make myself the best possible artist i can be. i would love to make it a full time job, and not have to worry about having part time jobs and crafting. i like being busy and having places to go... but i want my art to be my career. i would like to continue to build on my writing skills and maybe venture into both writing children's books and maybe writing short essays similar to two of my favorite writers dan zevin ("the day i turned uncool: confessions of a reluctant grown-up") and dave barry ("homes and other black holes" just to name one..). it's a tall order... but it's one to just keep working on.

3. hone my fine art skills. it's not all just about whay types of cute cuddly creatures i can create. but thanks to my two professors kyle and jeff... i've learned that perspective and figures are important too. i want to experiment more with pencil and charcoal drawing and also try to fit some typical buildings and fruit drawings in there. it's important to keep your skills sharp.

all of these kind of fall into the career direction that i am trying to steer myself in. my ultimate goal is to eventually end up teaching high school art of some sort. i love high school kids and i love art. my time spent in the art studio at putnam are some of my findest high school memories. i still talk to ms. holda to this day. i'd love to be part of creating those memories for kids (corny but true)

hopefully... i can keep these moving just like i did last years.

2 more days until i get to come home to good ol' massachusetts.. i miss my kitties and bunnies like whoa.

and boredom was her name-o

it's not that i'm specifically bored... but damn. there really is nothing to do for me right now. every year, steve and his college buddies get together in south jersey at one of their houses. they spend about a week playing video games, D&D, LARP's (live action role playing games), board games. they call it nerdcon. i came. i did it mostly for him. now i'm down here... after a 7 hour car ride (i'm not terribly fond of long car trips), and i pretty much have nothing to do. sure, i brought knitting and drawing... but after about a day, it gets a little old. i would try to play some of the games and join in, but i never get the rules right and all it does is slow them down and aggravate them.

sleeping arrangements are a little less than ideal. it's like camping except i have to share an air mattress with steve. if i sleep on one side, he pokes at me because i am making the mattress "displaced" and if i sleep on my other side, then i'm breathing on him.. which he doesn't like.. so in turn he tries to smother me with my own blanket in an effort to block my breathing on him. i don't sleep on my back.. and with an air mattress trying to sleep on my stomach is like being folded in half the wrong way. so last night we spent the time either poking each other to move over or roll over or i was trying to quietly bitch to him to stop smothering me... all while trying not to wake up the other 2 guys that were sleeping on the couches in the living room with us. i have a feeling this is going to be a very sleep deprived week. i can't wait to get back home to my own bed... or better yet, to camp where i don't have to sleep with him at all.

as for the folks here, they are really nice. our hosts, josh and jill recent;y had twins... they are really cute, and it's interesting to watch all of the guys tiptoe around the babies. the best thing about this week so far is hanging with the babies.

tomorrow, i might venture off to the cape may wetlands reserve... i remember visiting it a couple of years ago on our road trip from hell (i.e the time we drove all the way down here for josh and jill's wedding and missed it completely by a day.) .. it was nice then... might be even nicer under good circumstances.

i'll have a very bunny christmas

it's been awhile since i blogged... so this might be long.

i've discovered that somerville... after it's covered in snow, is a very peaceful place at about 4 am. this picture does it no justice, but this is a shot from my street. it looked so serene... everything was covered in snow.. the trees almost seemed to be glowing. i loved it.


maggs and sebastien came to visit for 2 days. i didn't realize that they were spending time here for the holidays. they are moving up here soon, and so they wanted to spend a day checking out neighborhoods and what types of living spaces the boston area has to offer. we spent nearly 6 hours checking out somerville, arlington, brookline, watertown, cambridge, medford, and JP (did i miss any maggiesan?) along with driving around playing tourguide (which i love) i got to hang with them for awhile. it was nice to have maggs around. i can't wait till she's up here permanently. part of hanging around meant furry creature adoration... we simply can't help ourselves when it comes to cure furry creatures, and my house is full of them. along with the bunnies, i also have 3 chinchillas. since both species are fairly peaceful, we decided to try an experiment to see if buns and chins get along. as it turns out... furry soft creatures like to cuddle and nap with other furry soft creatures. this is a picture of ophelia sandwiched between hassen and pheffer.... cummulus and sylvester (the chins) are under and behind the bunnies. they stayed there napping and cleaning each others ears until we had to leave for dinner in harvard square.
fast forward to christmas morning. we were headed to the great white north... also known as new hampshire. amber and i plotted a surprize for my two sisters heather and crystal. they had no idea i was coming up to spend christmas day with them. amber also requested that i bring the bunnies... she is also a bunny queen. and so... i did. since the pair of them are so chill, i decided that they would be much more comfortable in my lap, rather than in a carrier in the back seat. it seems as if they love car rides. they spent a good deal of time with their noses to the window, just watching the world go by, and when they weren't... they napped in my lap.


at some point during the ride.. something scared pheffer. i don't know if it was a sound from the radio, or something from surrounding traffic. but she freaked out and ran up the front of me burrying her head in my neck. after a few minutes hiding her furry face she slowly climbed up behind my neck and decided that she would be much happier perched on my shoulder. and thats just where she stayed. hassen stayed streched out in my lap.


the christmas surprize was excellent. they never saw it coming. the day was perfect. i had such a good time hanging out with them.


amber shooting the bunnies:
amber modelling the snowman building kit o got her for christmas:
sean(crystal's hubby) trying on his new oven mits:
sean and crystal:
they got alot of loving.. how can you not cuddle them?!
me, crystal, amber (suffering from serious dust allergies), and heather:



tomorrow... off to new jersey for nerdcon. god save me.

day 15 as an emotional hostage

women reading right now... you will understand.

men reading right now... you won't understand. sorry.

i watched the movie "P.S. i love you" tonight. it was about 1 hour into the movie, after i had been laughing at one scene and bawling my eyes out at another that i realized it. i'm starting to feel the emotional effects of yaz... and i don't like it one bit.

for most of the time... i'm pretty emotionally stable. but, i have serious issues with certain birth control meds. (see men? this is where it gets sticky.)

i've discussed it with my dr. and other than to keep switching around and experimenting with new BC meds.. there's not much else i can do. it's something i've had to deal with since i was a teenager. it's never easy. i hate running the complete gamut of emotions in one evening. once i realized that i was bawling my eyes out at a movie (which was a real emotional jerker to begin with...) i started thinking back over the rest of my day. i spent most of the day at work being melancholy and cynical... i came home in a terrible mood. lurking around the house wanting to assault someone.. then i started feeling depressed... then i went back to being crabby... and then after that, i was restless and anxious. i was happy as a clam after dinner... then i started watching dark shadows, and slipped into another odd mood that i can't even describe. it was then that i started watching the movie where i was having the extreme ups and downs of crying and laughing that it hit me what was going on. i finished the movie, and now it's nearing 4am. i am exhausted, my eyes really burn and my sinuses are swollen and hurt from all the crying.

steve has taken up residence on the couch. i feel kind of bad about it.

we'll see how the next month or so goes. from now until then friends... if i seem a little bit crazier... well.. it's what it is.

i found out the 3rd piece to the puzzle.

mary carols mother passed away. :(

they say crap news comes in 3's

once a month, my mom has to come to boston to see one of her dr's. she always comes on the 3rd tuesday of the month, and i always go to meet her. i usually arrive at her dr.s office before she does. today, i went there thinking business as usual. while i was sitting there, the receptionist answered the phone... she sounded concerned. then she covered the speaker and looked at me, and asked if i was deb's daughter. as it turns out, my mom fell in the garage and was waiting for the paramedics to come and take her to the ER.

now, i'm not really the athletic type, but i sprinted out of that office nearly knocking over some little old asian ladies. of course, the garage is on the other side of tufts, so it was quite the run. when i got to the third floor of the garage, there was my mom. on the ground next to the caddy. she looked completely cold, embarrassed and miserable. once i talked to audrey (yay me.) i found out that it was her fault my mom was on the ground. apparently, while my mom was on the transfer board moving from the car to her wheelchair, audrey walked away from her to go get her purse from the other side of the car. so, when my mom had problems with the transfer board slipping, there was nobody there to help her. he response "well i told her to stay put". i cannot tell you the restraint i had to use to not punch her in the mouth. it was the type of anger that i hate... the type that makes my chest hurt and my head pound. i'm still super mad about it just typing this up.

getting my mom up was quite a feat. the paramedics ended up shoving a sheet under her and kind of making a hammocky scoopy thing and scooted her up onto a gurney. she went down to the ER and got checked out... and was released this evening. i talked to her tonight, and got the report that she was sore and trying to sleep it off.

the other bit of bad news i got tonight was that last weeks ice storm in western MA has really messed up camp. i can't even bear to think about camp in shambles. damaged buildings and messed up trails. no electricity and wayne living on a generator. it makes me sick. i hope to get out there as much as possible to help put camp back together.

as for the third bit of news... it hasn't happened yet. i hope one of the two before mentioned things is also bad enough to count as the third.

in other (good) news, we also got our christmas tree. and it has a pine cone!
a shot of garcia, being beautiful under a naked tree
pheffer checking out the tree. since then, they've both taken to eating the bottom branches, and stealing the low ornaments off the tree.
the finished tree... all sparkly and gorgeous.

bunny diaries: vol 2

aside from having noticeably different personalities now, hassen and pheffer have started to explore outside of the kitchen. hassen is usually standing at the door of the cage waiting to come out while pheffer takes awhile to get going. once i open the door, she'll watch her sister hop out and then she'll go over to the dish for a snack before following hassen to explore. they've made it all the way into and almost across the middle room.. they're getting close to making it into the living room.

i've also had to wash my comforter twice. it turns out that they aren't old enough just yet to know how to control their bladders. i don't think i'll be cuddling with them and my comforter at the same time for awhile.

their dinner habits are growing. so far they've demolished 3 full dishes of food (since sunday), a whole bag of timothy cubes and almost a full bag of timothy hay. i swear, they've gotten bigger since sunday.

they are still as cute as ever... and i have completely fallen in love with them. they are so wonderful. i still can't believe that they are going to get so big!